Yackety-Yak

Those who know me a bit closely would really try to avoid me when they do not have enough spare time or more aptly ‘cushion-time’. That is just because they are yet to learn as to ‘how to get rid of me’ after having collided with me inadvertently! The reasons for trying to get away are varied, fortunately. And the most unbelievable part is that I was a notoriously quiet person for the first half of my life!

Anyway, when somebody asks a question about how to get rid of being branded as a quiet person, I feel quite appropriate to provide a few of the ‘tricks of the trade’!

It would not be out of place to also remind ourselves, that it is worth looking at what kind of conversations do not cause any fatigue to us, and the other types that seems to cause a ‘traffic-jam’ in our heads, or some ‘can’t-stand-any-more-of-this’ type of talks. We seldom seem to be tired of ‘listening’ to our own ‘crap’ manufactured right inside our heads!

All this is going to shape our attitude some way or other.

There is a chain, which is wonderfully described by some great being thus:

Quote:
Watch out!

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.
Watch your words, they become your action.
Watch your actions, they become your habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character,
Watch your character, they become your destiny!

Unquote.

So, that was it. If possible please see if my reply seems to be helpful for that asker to convert into a talkative person. (And, for me, I would love to hear the ‘know-how’ for getting reconverted into that shy-quiet-person once again, before that eternally-silencing mechanism takes over!)
Regards,
Psn(28th June, 2010)


http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100628060132AAhQwZ4

How do I not be a quiet person anymore?
I'm known as a quiet person and I hate it. When I talk i want to be heard. I want to be the person revolved around the conversation. Please, just tell me what i need to do to be mentally and physically able to be talkative, not shy, and definitely not quiet. Thankyou soo much, you don't know how much this will mean if you give me a good answer. :D


My answer:

Well, that "when I talk i want to be heard" is the problematic area, which is perhaps why we have been talk-shy (not really shy).

Please try to look at the 'content-value' of most of the conversations. It is almost loud thinking. Try writing down every thought that occurs for next 2 minutes. It would take about 20 minutes to write down. Then we have a glimpse of what a mind can do! When we try to spell it out, some censoring is needed, to make it 'socially acceptable'. Some people have managed to 'switch on' certain 'topics' which are quite safe, acceptable, pleasant, and popular. The 'widgets' in the mind keeps updating those topics, and all that is needed is to access that file, and play the file, from memory, connecting it to the mouth-piece (our vocal cords!).

In your case, perhaps, you may be tuned to speaking only according to the need of the situation, more than the need to branded as a conversational-type(talkative) of person. Such people, when they try out to sincerely give relevant details in a long talk, in reply to a simple query find the listener not 'any more interested' after the few preliminary sentences (by which time, the asker of the query has discovered the 'brief' that he/she wanted to know 'what it is all about'), and is eager to jump to chase the next thought/query. Once we master the art of talking something of general interest, which does not mean much, which does not matter much if paid scant attention, then we would find eager listeners everywhere. Now, it does not matter even if the situation requires us to drop the conversation even in the middle of a sentence. But here the problem is, we have to sift conciously the people with whom we manage such 'filling-up-the-time-gap-talks' and serious meaningful talks. Otherwise, the relationships would fade too soon (the trust enjoyed hitherto might get diluted). Those people at "may I help you" counters give crisp, brief replies, which invariably seems to leave us only half-satisfied. This is because they are fed up with people leaving the counter half-heard, once their casual half-hearted, disinterested queries evoke the 'head-line-news' type of answers. The problem of the staff at such counters is that they are scared to give out details, fearing that treatment from askers, walking away hearing half of the sentence as if to say in return "please keep the rest of your reply in that trash can... I got what I wanted to know"... They become 'mechanical' and stoic in their attitude very soon.
All these details is to come closer to the clarity about how to become a successful talkative person. After some practice, it would be nice to spice the conversation with punch dialogues, laughter evoking bits in between to keep the other's attention rivetted at our talk. Salespersons who are stuck with slow moving products are quite good at it.That "I want to be heard" depends upon "how much of what I talk is going to be liked by the other". If we start narrating our woes, the other person cannot withstand a minute of conversation. But the other way round, just try listening to the others nagging problems for fifteen minutes, and the other would report you as a good conversationalist (though all that you uttered for these 15 minutes might be just "Hmmm... Hmmmm" !!
Best wishes.