Teenage Anger

When I came across this question, I don’t know why, but I felt it to be ‘logically’ irrelevant to be reminded of that saying “A wise enemy is better than a foolish friend”. There is no enemy or a friend involved here. And this is no way to keep an open mind (spelling out the idiosyncrasies that occur within my thought processes!).

Be that as it may.

It is ‘fortunate’ if the kids happen to ‘feel’ that they ought to tell the parents that they have ‘anger-problems’. It reassures, highlights many wonderful things. Their level of self-awareness, their love for their parents, and what not!

(It is usually the mother, especially from a teenage daughter, that receives the sudden early signs of that typical teenage-anger surging, when the kid pops out “Mom, please don’t be stupid!”. And usually, the mother chuckles, the first time, and it is too late, when she realizes that she is unable to bear it!)

Having answered, I felt that it is appropriate to seek concurrence of other experienced elders (irrespective of whether they ‘missed’ their bus or not).

With youthful regards,
Psn(8th May, 2010)

http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100607191409AAMJVzw


The question:
How do you tell your parents that you have anger problems?
i'm a 14 year old and i don't know if this is just teenage hormones or something worse. but i'm always losing my temper and getting mad over the smallest things. i'm afraid to tell my parents because they may not believe me.

My answer:
Oh!You don't have to tell them. They already know it. For parents, their child (YOU) are the priority. For you, your anger has now become a forced-priority. They know, telling you that you have anger problems would only aggravate it! Like, telling a mad "see, you are mad"!! .

But, now, you can tell them that you have recognized this problem (that is a great comforting thing). They would most lovingly participate to help you out of it. Just choose the right time, like when both are together, cheerful. (It is risky to discuss anger when we are vulenerable to anger, it is like lighting a matchstick with the air around rich with petrol fumes!).

It is not teenage hormones. It is the 'self-awareness' gushing in, like a volcano reversed into itself, During the transition into adulthood, the self-awareness that has dawned long ago, with that first pain-instinct somewhere in toes, fingers etc, is now growing a bit fast. The concepts, the abstract ones especially are the ones that subtly causes the mischief. (We notice only the incidental consequences of this 'self awareness', but not its root-cause, that is why it is bit difficult to understand! Try calling a 2 year old kid "fool"... it does not feel 'insulted'. Call the same to a kid of 10 to 16, it would react instantly. Call a 30 year old successful businessman the same 'fool', he would choose to hear it as 'cool' and may be charge you 5% extra, knowing, you are too busy, 'fooling' others around, to notice the over-billing!) It is wonderful that we are aware of the anger problems. Some unfortunate people even realize it a bit too late. Just the awareness of the problem itself solves 80 percent of it. For the rest of it, we need a bit of patience to allow that awareness to sink a bit deeper. Acceptance would deepen, allowing us, affording us to realise the "inevitability" of the situation. Please see, this acceptance deepens by itself, but too late, after crossing over the middle age, when it is quite useless, and that is why elderly people seem to offer no resistance to 'created' problems! When it deepens at youth, the right age, we retain the youth's power to use it accurately, skillfully, never to re-coil upon oneself (that is what 'being cool' is all about)!

(To try out an inexpensive, harmless trial-experiment, please try maintaining breath-awareness, especially when you sense that anger lurking around! It has to work. But any disbelief or belief even in this 'method' is the actual hurdle in its 'working'. Try with an open mind, saying, 'let me see')
Best wishes.