Duty versus Love

I found a very good blog “Love is not a duty”!

(http://www.speakingtree.in/public/spiritual-blogs/seekers/wellness/love-is-not-a-duty )

..

It did 'provoke' a thought process in me!

It reminded me of a dialogue from a TV serial, where the author surmised the entire relationship between spouses, very briefly, and yet very beautifully, precisely, and yes.... completely!

It takes a lot, to really expand that idea ( of that author of the TV serial), and to grasp it in its entirety!!!

All he said was, “during the yester-years, the spouses looked at marriage as a 'duty' to the other spouse. Today, they look at it as a 'right' against the other spouse”.... He simply added: 'please look at the bulk of divorce cases... the whole quarrel is about some 'right'!... And all of those successful marriages have a common binding-factor, of offering oneself unconditionally towards the spouse in a duty-bound attitude..... it is up to the individuals to choose , as to how they wish to have the relationship of a 'marriage'....'

The problem with 'love' is, after we often look at the manifest form of it, to understand it, and then just stay there, stuck to the manifest form! It is okay to make a humble beginning with 'giving' out unconditionally, to get that feel of it... but some time, we have to 'allow' ourselves to becoming a loving-being, with that love as a quality of our very being (the manifest form depending only on the outside situation..... for instance, if we are alone on a tiny island right from birth, still we can be a loving-being :) ...)... that 'duty-business' is the consequence, not the purpose of love itself! All other duties are obligatory, for some kind of social orderliness. (The so-called bullock-cart-days-people, in their great wisdom had very consciously chosen to exempt the wandering mendicants, monks, sanyasis, etc from all kinds of duty-bound-obligations... they had enough trust in themselves, their own wisdom, to know that these people are already a 'loving-being' in every sense, and need no rules to be governed upon!)

psn(28^th April, 2012)

When a quarrel is inevitable, let us(try to) have some style!

I have been participating on a spiritual forum since the beginning of this year...
The good part of that forum is that responses are many....
The inevitable part is that some heated exchanges too take place, replacing the very concept of 'response/comment' envisaged on spiritual-lines!
I have no qualms about it....  as is evident from what I wrote there about it...
Exactly....    I am reproducing what I wrote there, because most of our readers here would appreciate the 'quoted' part, since it was not mine!
regards,
psn(28th April, 2012)

That blog (with its quote within):

We see unbridled exchanges even in the 'parliament' (the prohibitive cost of it is on us, the tax payers)...

But it is simply beyond their potential to have any 'style' about it.... They are experts in strategy, and at times good at diplomacy, and at a few rare occasions, statesmanship....

Here, on such spiritual forums, even quarrels has to be on 'voluntary-basis'! So, my humble request is, why not make some efforts to make it look a bit 'stylish' .... so that, even casual readers would at least enjoy reading it, and not feel that residual bitter taste! (I am very carefully avoiding the word 'be-graceful'... there cannot be any 'grace' about a quarrel, I feel! So, 'style' is the nearest compromise!)....

What exactly I have in mind is something that looks like this........ (please do try to find a way to excuse me for what I am about put up as sort of 'bench mark' !)--

quote:

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to .Winston Churchill, followed by Churchill's response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one." -- Winston Churchill

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." --- Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!"
Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"

The art of lamenting

Somehow, it has taken the shape of an art...

Hitherto, it was just a profession (Rudaali), not a specialisation, or not even a skill....

It was there growing slowly, silently like some virus pervading across the society, but I never really had a chance to take a serious note of it, till it became a 'whole-sale-chorus' during the exodus of employees when they were offered a golden handshake in the Banking industry, to reduce the flab! Suddenly the left-over ones had to insulate themselves from over-exploitation (no help is going to come overnight to share the work, nor is the work going to vanish overnight... and there was that torturous unfamiliarity with the computer-key-board..... there was a brief period when just the keyboards required replacement at an abnormal rate!)... slowly people 'came to terms' with the harsh reality, but the lamenting had come to stay, and it got itself perfected into an art-form too!

Otherwise, we find it quite commonly where ever there is a trust-deficit in one form or other... The 'most commented' .... yeah! Like 'speaking tree', there is a lameting-tree too, where the 'most commented' prize is shared between a mother-in-law versus daughter-in-law! At other places, it is usually a preemptive strike, to start the 'aalaap' of lamenting first, to avoid any responsibility or fault fixing.... Most people confuse between fixing of fault, responsibility and accountability, even though no recourse is sought!

Quite surprisingly, children pick it up almost with no formal training.... I recall a kid, who used to always lament about lack of 'good' clothes to wear... The dad was a very resourceful and intelligent person though he doted on that kid out of his own 'special attachment' for the kid... But, when this complaint of lack of good clothes became a little too much, he decided to expose the kid... He suddenly announced to the kid “Oh! Actually I had planned to take you along on a holiday for few days, along with my office colleagues and their families... but since you do not have adquate change of 'good-clothes', you may as well stay back, and we will see the next time”.... Abruptly this kid turned the record-plate on the gramaphone player upside down, and played a totally different tune... 'Dad, I think I can manage just enough clothes for this trip... let me see, ...” and then rushed to dig out all those 'safely-tucked-away' shining and new clothes out, counted them, packed them convincingly too!

Now comes the 'hard-to-digest' part of it... Please see, those who lament, are they capable of experiencing love? Can lamenting and love go together please?.... For that matter, even that gratitude does not come to the equal measure of a love, when it comes to real-deep-experience! If we look closely enough, they are quite opposite.... Love only gives... gratitude is after-effect of receiving, not giving.... Love gives unconditionally.... (that 'gives' is manifested only if the situation warrants... A soldier does not give up his life during peace time... please!)... If this seems acceptable, then, how can a child, a girl-child especially, love her mother? I happened to ask this to a young girl recently.... 'do you love your mother?'... 'YES!' was the emphatic reply.... I had to gently and slowly ask the next set of questions.. 'since when did you love your mom?'... 'surely not at the age of 3 months?'..... 'NO', agreed that girl... .... 'when was the first time you experience love for your mom? ' ...'maybe when I felt that gratitude clearly...' she tried, as an alternative.... That is where I had to seek clarity between 'gratitude' as a response to receiving, and 'giving' as a manifest form of 'love as an experience' ....

..

Now, this 'experience' of love is often so deep, and a non-verbal form of thought process, that most people miss this feeling-of-the-experience .... something like, when we have that malarial fever, we feel the fan air more severely despite the mid-day-of-peak-summer, than when we are normal! I don't know, but that 'giving' might have been an important aspect.... otherwise, the students of ancient gurukula might not have been asked to serve their guru, doing simple tasks for him... otherwise, some of the present day yoga-teachers might not have insisted for 'volunteering' as a 'part' of spiritual practices, for quick progress... A typical young girl steps into mother-in-laws pitch, from the home-pitch, without any practice of 'giving', and expects to be shown some gratitude at least, if not love, by that mother-in-law.... this mother-in-law has nothing to give to her daughter-in-law, except a few words ... words-used-for-love.... and the daughter-in-law is not that ready to 'give' any service, help, etc unconditionally! (I wonder, if that joint-family-system, took care of that home-pitch-training of giving, when the girl became a 'didi' to several younger brothers/sisters/cousins of all ages... the mothers of those children, under the same roof, may not be able to take care of all of them ... and this elder-sister, 'didi' is almost a mother! )....

..

Trust and love are said to be two sides of the same coin.... that unconditional love offers trust too, with 'no-questions-asked'... so it might stand the litmus test... Mothers do have the capability to experience love, if they are ready to choose to be 'aware' (dropping that lamenting-act, of course)... right from the time the kid dwells in her womb... more the awareness, deeper the experience of love... deeper the love, lesser the sorrow of parting later on, when the daughter becomes an 'in-law' or when the son expands into greater dimension of a very deep reciprocation of love with gratitude, and lays down his life for his mother-land!

psn(16^th April, 2012)

Repulsiveness as a Trait

Wherever that 'trust-deficit' is the main deciding factor to demarcate the sharp dividing line, to separate one class of people from the other, this 'trait of repulsiveness' is a living experience! Stubbornness is only a consequence, though it assumes a 'form' that might resemble a 'cause'... And that is precisely why that 'hurried' effort to counter it, usually fails.

The incidence is quite high amongst children, of late! Maybe experienced teachers have to concur or disagree with this! The excessive-ness of health-concerns might have percolated down to their (child's) chemistry, to the extent, as to also affect the behaviour pattern! The medicinal immunisation might not be the culprit. The preservatives, the additives, and the likes that are used for enhancing the shelf-life of all those fast-food/junk-food/easy-to-mix/ready-to-use type of food items.... These chemicals are not removed. Nor do they constitute the 'food' .

Some possessive mothers try to gloat over this trait/characteristic in their child. Again it is the sense of their own insecurity, that might have persuaded to act thus. The ability to deal with this repulsiveness in their children becomes a monopoly, rendering them-selves quite indispensable! Some mothers tend to treat the school-text-books of their children like some 'mosquito-repellent-cream' to ward of their children from the precincts when they find the mischief of their children to be an intolerable nuisance! (Some mothers who are fortunate to know a teacher 'personally' are even tempted to 'request' for extra-homework for their children, when a long-holiday ensues!)....At work places too, we find that people struggle to become indispensable! Once a person decides to use this as the only available tool of survival, only negative traits can be a consequence. Resistance becomes the base. Chemical bonding is then 'sought' as a reinforcement, seeking 'attachment' of, and with, the loyalists as the adhesive/glue! A 'concrete' structure is now in place! When such a concrete structure poses a threat, detonation is the only way! Mahabharat, as an epic, also happens to hint at this aspect, when we look at the 'delicate' design of the inter-personal-relationship which weaves together people with unrelated individualistic-characteristics so seamlessly! A whole full-scale war was needed to release/liberate the individuals who were held as 'concrete-captives' !

In the present day situation, what we agree to, personally/privately/individually, we do not find it easy to vote for as a class! Politicians, perhaps, are the most conversant people as a class, with this mechanism, and very much put it to their advantage! Please see, some practical situations...

That womens reservation bill is not revolted against openly, but repelled clandestinely, by keeping it indefinitely 'alive' by holding it pending 'under active consideration'!

The hunger strike was used as a tool to 'revolt' against corruption, but failed to evoke a sustained movement, simply because, that form of protest was already a repulsion-invoking-factor, in the chemistry of masses... (perhaps that is why, the unexpected numbers of the sympathisers baffled the politicians.... most of them did not even understand the concepts sought to be used to revolt against corruption!)....

Perhaps, a hunger-strike might evoke a greater response to start a movement against 'starvation' of the poor/downtrodden/deprived!

If we try to narrate the 'operational' part of this repulsiveness in different fields of human activity, the intricate details might create an illusion, as if, each of these instances contain a 'concept' itself, where as, the single concept that dominates is only a bit subtle, and that is this 'repulsiveness' manifested in an indistinguishable form!

On a lighter note, at domestic fronts, the males are baffled, to find that, when it comes to pin-pointing a 'stubbornness' about one lady, the other lady happens to give a silent or an 'outside' support by 'absentee-vote'.... (this stubborn-ness happens to be the tool of this lady also, to effectively 'repel' when their own 'security' is at threat!)... Males are no exception to this repulsiveness... it comes in much more sophisticated ways(chauvinism!)...

When 'ego' seeks to hold the fort, that 'repulsiveness' is the weapon, and the 'mind' which is so dependent on the ego, readily 'sugar-coats' this repulsiveness to make it more acceptable on the outside world, and embellishes it with socially-accepted-norms.... if necessary, 'legislate' new set of social norms! Here comes the mind-games that we are so familiar with! Spiritual practices find it difficult to make a dent into the 'being' only because of this repulsiveness! Resistance is a mild weapon in its primitive form, and has to be camouflaged, modified, and innovated to be effective against even a 'spiritual-revolution'.... that is where the complexities of mind baffle the designers of artificial-intelligence!

psn(5^th April, 2012)

Laziness or Lethargy?

“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.” .... Good enough to tempt even the most hardened of the anti-preachy-activists, to 'wish' that this were a dictum 'officially' allowed, in those list of morals, ethics, etc....

Right from kid days, I used to observe, a few people, labelled as 'lazy', getting their things managed somehow! .... A few of them even manage a decent score at exams, and wonder of wonders, they even produce original stuff (not that text-book stuff, copy-paste via memory...).

That led me to wonder, if they were also un-lethargic or non-lethargic (which ever way it is....)...... these people, whom I could distinguish from other lazy ones only by that 'extra-sparkle' in their eyes! Not likely.....! So, that lethargy must be the real culprit, not the laziness itself.... Laziness does affect, but at various levels, depending on the extent to which a person is 'differently-abled-at-intelligence-levels'... Some things have got to be done by oneself, however lazy we feel... again there are exceptions.... some people just physically-less-abled, make up enormously for this, with their extra-ordinary intellectual contributions (The great Mr. Stephen Hawking for example... !)... A casual observer would readily find fault with the tradition of feeding those 'lazy-unproductive-wandering-mendicants' in ancient India.

What is it that actually happens, when the mind becomes lazy? Now that we have seen that the physical laziness (for all that appearance only...), does not really matter... Those big 'business' magnates owning several companies, may not even remember all the names of those companies that they own..... somebody else is there to slog it out for them, earn for them, and work for a paltry salary, while they enjoy sipping a drink at Honululu cheerfully, gazing the waves of the ocean! Those business kings are not 'busy' but lazy... So, busi-ness is not essentially about keeping busy (those gadgets we invented and innovated was to take out our tie-up with stone pestles etc!)

We had a few 'lazy' teachers who managed cheerfully, while the students had to slog-extra, to make up for the lack of 'detailed' explanations, ready-to-eat-notes for exams etc... These teachers never faltered when somebody asked doubts... and when such doubts were with a 'hidden-agenda' to prod those teachers, they sensed it almost instantly ( lazy-ness blesses with that extra-alertness, with nothing else to do!?...)... and such students were 'dealt' according to the concepts enshrined in jurisprudence, with regard to the punishment theory.... the degree was directly proportional to the 'hidden-intent'...

If we try to look at the 'mechanics' of those bosses who delegate almost everything to juniors, and thus happen to nurture a 'deep sense of grudge' for over-exploitation in 'hearts' of those juniors, this narrative would go too long... We are all well versed with those details, at least the 'one-side-of-the-case' well!

Though there is not much material to sift through, about that lethargy, the elusive culprit seems to be only that! 'Thinking' hard , may not exclusively constitute the avoidance of that lethargy.... Just repetitive chain of thoughts seems to keep us busy, but to no result (for example, we know, when we run out funds, and go through the sources ... the possible limited-list-of-victim-lenders... when the 'security' to seek from 'hard-lenders' is inadequate!........ we just try to keep visualising the innocent faces again and again, but that does not lead us anywhere... when such sources have dried up.... it is merely a 'hope-against-hope'!)...

Can it be that 'energy' is the possible antidote for lethargy? Those meditative people sitting 'idle' for seemingly infinite length of time, seem to have a blazing pair of eyes, when we find them gently opening their eyes once in a while!.... We have to try it out... We may have to strike a fine balance... keep physical fitness, to avoid that laziness overpowering our 'chemistry'.... we have to consciously slow down the needless activity of mind (anyways, the mind becomes hyper-active when we try out with lip-level-silence!)... and then look at the pristine energy within, allow it to 'rise', see if it is going to charge our intellect, and drive out the lethargy from within.... Till then, maybe... maybe... we have to silently suffer that hidden 'dis-ease' called lethargy.... (I wonder, if medical science is able to give any off-the-shelf-pills for lethargy, to then easily pop it into our mouth, and declare 'eureka' !)... Non-lethargic people seem to really enjoy that 'peace' better than those busy-looking-people, who slog-and-yet-suffer!

(I wonder whether it is 'my' laziness or that lethargy latent 'in-me', that surged to find expression thus.....! Spirituality seems to have confused me yet again!... I might have, inadvertently tried out those 'lethal' doses of both, quite intermittently!)

psn(3^rd April, 2012)