Most of us are tempted to look out for “short-cuts” unless we really enjoy doing something. The age old saying “there is no short-cut to success” does not really seem to deter our pursuit for short-cuts.
Many a times, there is just a wafer-thin line that really separates a ‘short-cut’ from a ‘better way’ of doing things. For instance ambidexterity, multi-tasking etc are too subjective and situation based, to decide the merits of such short-cuts. We are at times confused when a child genuinely asks whether a calculator can do away with the need to learn multiplication tables, a spell-check in ‘word’ processor obviates the need to memorise the illogical spellings etc.
The next level of confusion arises when medical experts attribute most of health problems to change in life styles! What they are hinting at, is literally the short-cuts we adopted when we use machines to replace manual washing, walking, cleaning, gardening, grinding, blending, churning(curds in kitchen), and such other routine chores!
Personally, the next level of short-cuts did not confuse me! When I looked at it, my hitherto bemused look turned into an amazed one! For most people this level continues to be a non-issue. It simply involved discontinuance of certain traditions, customs etc. The reason for this effortless ease in ending these practices is the very fragility of our ‘way of life’! This ‘way of life’ was assigned a name called “Hinduism” when invaders chose to refer to the ancient Indian civilization. A religion name was a mandatory ‘check’ box even in those days! The entire fabric of this Hindu culture was ‘suggestive’ rather than a prescription or dictum etc (like other religions). Right from the choice of God(out of some 33 crores), the food, clothing etc were a matter of choice. Six types of marriages were prominent out of a larger list! How a person chooses out of these was entirely based on level of perception and awareness!
When a consecutive set of generations evolved steadily, these choices got resolved into best ones and obviously like any conscious choice towards a refinement, these too entailed a set of elaborate restrictions(self-imposed) on life-styles! The traditional 9-yards sarees, the 11-course dishes during anniversaries, the 13 day’s obsequies, the elaborate marriage rituals& restrictions ranging from rigid horoscope-matching, sub-sect selections, ‘girl-seeing’ , upto the auspicious date and time selection for the nuptials, all these are really mystic-looking, and seem to go in an opposite direction from short-cuts!
Well, the present day situation has ended up in driving our mutual relation-ships into ‘economy-driven’ bonds rather than emotional bonds! The emotional well-being is not entirely dependent on economic well being. That is why the westerners are baffled at the emotional stability levels of Indians!
But we are fast catching up with every available short-cut. Faking, duplicating, replacing, etc are evolving at an appreciable speed. Corruption is the outcome of illogical shortcuts. Cultural degeneration is the outcome of reckless substitution of short cuts to emotional-value-based-traditions!
When we indulge in pirating data, software, effort of creativity of others, the economic value of such pirated object gets devalued in many ways, ultimately resulting into, an emotional breakdown.!. Home for aged is a short-cut to taking care of elders at our homes. Results need no elaboration!.
Delegating motherly care to baby sitting, bottle –feeding etc., results in magical disappearance of bonds with children!.
‘Out-sourcing ‘of emotional support to periodic consultation/counseling by psychiatrist seems to be the latest of short-cuts! We seem to have lost the ‘in-house’ software for emotional shock absorbers within a home, when we had dumped those mystic traditions!
And then,
An epilogue,( perhaps! )
We were once, an emotionally-driven beings, and thus had evolved into demonstrating the highest human capability, deepening of our perceptions beyond sensory levels. We are now economy-driven beings, fast adopting all sorts of shortcuts, casting away ‘ senseless’, ‘illogical emotional values’. The race is towards “short-cut-driven” life! Obviously, suicidal death is the greatest of all short-cuts! It solves all ‘known’ problems!
PSN(08-10-2008)
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
How do we emote!
Most of us, being caught up in the situation around us, are driven by the same to decide as to how we emote! Some of us manage to keep the intensity of emotion under check. We know the devastating effect of anger, we know the size of the hole created in our wallet when we exhibit our anxiety to buy something from a cunning, greedy and alert bargain-seller!
There are a few persons, talented, well stabilized from within who manage to emote at will! An impressive example appeared on a recent TV interview when the legendary grand lady Zohra Sehgal was asked thus: “How do you manage to cry instantly & intensely when a scene requires?” She was known for doing it without the use of artificial means. The details mentioned by her simply amazed me! Briefly, she invoked two of the opposite emotions of laughter and tears from the very same incident that took place in her life!
That made me wonder if we too can do a little more than just ‘controlling’ anger, putting of the use of medicine at times, etc!. Hypothetical situation, quite imaginary, yet logical possibility may perhaps serve as an example to afford a deeper look within. Shall we attempt, with 3 ‘created’ situations, and attempt visualizing them quite intensely, not getting caught into it, retaining the freedom to observe how we would really respond and what happens within us, to our intuitive instincts.
The three situations:
1. A woman with very modest means has eight children of her own, all of them of school going age. During an evening, while she was very busy with household routine, and children engaged with their own activities of pastimes, a neighbour rushes in to inform the sudden death of one of the eight children. The mother is gripped by shock and intense sorrow. She rushes out of her house, and in utter disbelief, looks at the body of her child being lifted out of a nearby well with which the child had drowned, tripping over its inadequately low protective wall, while playing around it. Yet to recover from the first shock of this devastating grief, news comes in within a couple of minutes, informing the death of her yet another child, who had an unexpected heart seizure or so while engaged in a high pitched vocal practice sessions near by !
The child with ‘heart’ problem did have some minor occasional ‘chest pain’ complaints, but it had never seemed to require any serious medical examination. The timing of this serious occurrence was an unexpected blow to the mother. When both the bodies were placed in front of her house, there comes a third body, this time, the body and its appearance explicitly reveals the manner of accidental death to a yet another from among her eight children!. The badly mangled body tells it all !.
How would this woman be able to emote distinctly for each of these three deaths occurred in near succession? Is it not too difficult to embraces all the three at a time!. Each child’s loss creates a deep sorrow enough to intensely suffer for days! How to stagger any two to do justice to one, at a time?
This examples is not about over exaggeration. Our minds are sort of structured to pre-empt almost any routine situation, and an intense situation is perhaps needed to catch it ‘ off-guard’ to afford a genuine observation.
2. Let us try a reversal of emotion this time. Some time or other, we have come across a joke or situation that sets us into unstoppable bouts of laughter. We keeps laughing incessantly causing aches in lower abdomen!
Let us visualize that somebody narrates a brief joke that evokes such intense laughter that we are unable to even avoid the embarrassment for about another 30 minutes, when we do not seem to have any control over it, to appropriately suit the changing outside situation. As we grow into adulthood, such good jokes through intense enough may fail to evoke such uncontrollable laughter! If that is the case, please also visualize ourselves as children, at school, during classes. The joke encountered in the earlier day keeps stimulating sudden bouts of loud laughter in subsequent classes in serene situation. This laughter simply overpowers even the fear of punishment by class teacher for inappropriate class-room behavior! At offices, or counters facing public in queues, such out-of-turn laughter is really an embarrassment!.
Now comes the catch!. Suppose another joke of yet deeper intensity occurs within a minute of the first one!. To which of the jokes do we actually continue to respond with such unstoppable laugher??!!!
3.( A brief epilogue: )
Lest we run into a possible lesser focused attention, the epilogue suits here better, to get the attention it perhaps deserves. The sequence of examples are deliberate. A person who gets caught in the situation of first examples usually skips over the second, but the third one ‘grounds’ the person back. If on the other hand, a person manages in not getting ‘caught’ in the first one, does appreciate the second one adequately enough to now attempt a de-mystification of the third one which is bereft of any external influence.
Third situation :
Yes the third one is very simple, practical, irrefutable and yet has a cloud of mysticism, that some of us do know of and most of us take it for granted as “ oh! It is so “. It deals with sheer physical pain.
We know how naggingly persistent that below the nail puss and swelling is! The half broken-crooked growing nail, with a crevice, infected with puss forming affliction never seems to leave us at peace even for a moment. Whatever else we are required to do, the pain is felt incessantly, reminding us that it is there. People who float and drift away into their day- dreaming –sessions find this nail affliction to be a rare even when they manage to find themselves riveted to ground –realities throughout the duration!
Now the catch. Supppose there is such a pain on the left thumb at present, and our right thumb is brutally chopped off in a single severe blow! We know, the pain caused due to sudden and shocking loss of thumb when chopped off, simply dissolves the hitherto irritating pain at the nail of left thumb! The earlier pain, in our experience, DOES VANISH. Yet, we know, logically, the source of pain is yet intact, unresolved. Later on, we are surprised (we do not have a chance during the painful session),What happens to the earlier pain when the next one overpowered us?
Well then, if this helps us to take a look at our emotions, instead of merely getting caught up with it each time and getting lost in our struggle to wriggle out of it, please do let me know, to reassure that our effort was worth it. At the least I shall be able to refrain being a 4th situation! Ha Ha Ha! An inadequate response, not even the lack of it, is good enough to educate me to refrain from ending up into a loathsome 4th situation for you!
You see, I do solicit many things, but trouble is not one of them!
Regards
PSN ( 6th Oct’08)
There are a few persons, talented, well stabilized from within who manage to emote at will! An impressive example appeared on a recent TV interview when the legendary grand lady Zohra Sehgal was asked thus: “How do you manage to cry instantly & intensely when a scene requires?” She was known for doing it without the use of artificial means. The details mentioned by her simply amazed me! Briefly, she invoked two of the opposite emotions of laughter and tears from the very same incident that took place in her life!
That made me wonder if we too can do a little more than just ‘controlling’ anger, putting of the use of medicine at times, etc!. Hypothetical situation, quite imaginary, yet logical possibility may perhaps serve as an example to afford a deeper look within. Shall we attempt, with 3 ‘created’ situations, and attempt visualizing them quite intensely, not getting caught into it, retaining the freedom to observe how we would really respond and what happens within us, to our intuitive instincts.
The three situations:
1. A woman with very modest means has eight children of her own, all of them of school going age. During an evening, while she was very busy with household routine, and children engaged with their own activities of pastimes, a neighbour rushes in to inform the sudden death of one of the eight children. The mother is gripped by shock and intense sorrow. She rushes out of her house, and in utter disbelief, looks at the body of her child being lifted out of a nearby well with which the child had drowned, tripping over its inadequately low protective wall, while playing around it. Yet to recover from the first shock of this devastating grief, news comes in within a couple of minutes, informing the death of her yet another child, who had an unexpected heart seizure or so while engaged in a high pitched vocal practice sessions near by !
The child with ‘heart’ problem did have some minor occasional ‘chest pain’ complaints, but it had never seemed to require any serious medical examination. The timing of this serious occurrence was an unexpected blow to the mother. When both the bodies were placed in front of her house, there comes a third body, this time, the body and its appearance explicitly reveals the manner of accidental death to a yet another from among her eight children!. The badly mangled body tells it all !.
How would this woman be able to emote distinctly for each of these three deaths occurred in near succession? Is it not too difficult to embraces all the three at a time!. Each child’s loss creates a deep sorrow enough to intensely suffer for days! How to stagger any two to do justice to one, at a time?
This examples is not about over exaggeration. Our minds are sort of structured to pre-empt almost any routine situation, and an intense situation is perhaps needed to catch it ‘ off-guard’ to afford a genuine observation.
2. Let us try a reversal of emotion this time. Some time or other, we have come across a joke or situation that sets us into unstoppable bouts of laughter. We keeps laughing incessantly causing aches in lower abdomen!
Let us visualize that somebody narrates a brief joke that evokes such intense laughter that we are unable to even avoid the embarrassment for about another 30 minutes, when we do not seem to have any control over it, to appropriately suit the changing outside situation. As we grow into adulthood, such good jokes through intense enough may fail to evoke such uncontrollable laughter! If that is the case, please also visualize ourselves as children, at school, during classes. The joke encountered in the earlier day keeps stimulating sudden bouts of loud laughter in subsequent classes in serene situation. This laughter simply overpowers even the fear of punishment by class teacher for inappropriate class-room behavior! At offices, or counters facing public in queues, such out-of-turn laughter is really an embarrassment!.
Now comes the catch!. Suppose another joke of yet deeper intensity occurs within a minute of the first one!. To which of the jokes do we actually continue to respond with such unstoppable laugher??!!!
3.( A brief epilogue: )
Lest we run into a possible lesser focused attention, the epilogue suits here better, to get the attention it perhaps deserves. The sequence of examples are deliberate. A person who gets caught in the situation of first examples usually skips over the second, but the third one ‘grounds’ the person back. If on the other hand, a person manages in not getting ‘caught’ in the first one, does appreciate the second one adequately enough to now attempt a de-mystification of the third one which is bereft of any external influence.
Third situation :
Yes the third one is very simple, practical, irrefutable and yet has a cloud of mysticism, that some of us do know of and most of us take it for granted as “ oh! It is so “. It deals with sheer physical pain.
We know how naggingly persistent that below the nail puss and swelling is! The half broken-crooked growing nail, with a crevice, infected with puss forming affliction never seems to leave us at peace even for a moment. Whatever else we are required to do, the pain is felt incessantly, reminding us that it is there. People who float and drift away into their day- dreaming –sessions find this nail affliction to be a rare even when they manage to find themselves riveted to ground –realities throughout the duration!
Now the catch. Supppose there is such a pain on the left thumb at present, and our right thumb is brutally chopped off in a single severe blow! We know, the pain caused due to sudden and shocking loss of thumb when chopped off, simply dissolves the hitherto irritating pain at the nail of left thumb! The earlier pain, in our experience, DOES VANISH. Yet, we know, logically, the source of pain is yet intact, unresolved. Later on, we are surprised (we do not have a chance during the painful session),What happens to the earlier pain when the next one overpowered us?
Well then, if this helps us to take a look at our emotions, instead of merely getting caught up with it each time and getting lost in our struggle to wriggle out of it, please do let me know, to reassure that our effort was worth it. At the least I shall be able to refrain being a 4th situation! Ha Ha Ha! An inadequate response, not even the lack of it, is good enough to educate me to refrain from ending up into a loathsome 4th situation for you!
You see, I do solicit many things, but trouble is not one of them!
Regards
PSN ( 6th Oct’08)
How well do we critically evaluate criticism?
For a change, I would rather indulge in just putting together at a place, the various aspects of ‘criticism’, its common reactions and a few uncommon responses! My love and fascination towards mysticism at once tempts me, to subtly shroud the suggestive hints, wherever it is felt appropriate, just as a professional encryptor indulges in camouflaging a message to a friend, in an amusing jargon! A natural question that could arise is, whether I am being sincere in doing so? Yes, very much, & “without wax”! True to the very origin of the word ‘sincere’! It is said that when sculptors in Spain, during the ancient Renaissance period, happened to produce a flawless, expensive marble statue, which did not require a patchwork with wax for their flaws, called it (nay, hailed it) as a sculpture “sin cera” or a sculpture without wax. Eventually anything true came to be referred to, thus. The English word ‘sincere’ evolved thus. Quality criticism too evolved alongside!
Why do people criticize? A look at a very brief, indicative list--
1. For the sake of saying something, knowing no other way of making their presence felt,
2. To get the other person provoked into a reaction at least, when arousal of a response fails,
3. To contribute a sense of participation if a person fails to notice anything worth appreciating,
4. To reassure the others of a genuine, sincere, honest, true concern and loyalty towards them(!)
5. A pre-emptive strike, relying on the adage, “ Offence is the best form of defense”,
6. To correct, educate, & help a loved person,
And, so on ……
How do people choose to criticize—
1. Diplomatically, when possible reactions are felt to be economically unviable!
2. Subtly, when relationships are too precious and vulnerable, despite compulsions of situations.
3. Loudly and in public, when the recipient can be at a great disadvantage to retort even!
4. In a staggered manner to avoid being out-done with a corrective action(when there is a race)!
And so on……
How well we respond or react to criticism, largely depends upon various factors and situations. A look at a few situations—
1. If it the boss who criticizes only two golden rules:--
a) The boss is always right,
b) In case of a doubt, refer to “a)” above!
(The term ‘Boss’ may include parents—in case of children, teacher in case of students ,and wife in case of ‘dependent’ husbands)
2. When we are capable of in-depth knowledge about the value of the critic, as well as the contents of criticism, the evaluation and response happens at its best—a rare situation.
3. We stand to gain a lot when ego satisfaction strips the other person of all his sense of well being, wealth & disposition in our favour, when we merely feign a deep humility at criticism received! (Not an ethical proposition, though indulged very commonly !)
4. Induced criticism, as a technique to ‘create’ a need or market for something that is meant to benefit the recipient.
5. When we choose to care for the well being of others, response to any and every type of criticism turns out as yet another opportunity to translate our unbounded love into action! A bit rare occurrence.
6. Criticism also becomes a means of evolving better into our emotional capabilities when response is looked at as a conscious effort each time with a sense of gratitude. Response may not necessitate any action, but a mere subtle gesture, a hint in deep acknowledgement of the other’s message that they care, and therefore criticize!
7. Health of a ‘healthy criticism’ deteriorates along with the weakening of relationships!
Epilogue:
Criticism is vulnerable to emotions a lot more than a casual, routine, analytical feedback. The complexity of emotions, by its very nature traps a person into a unique world of one’s own creation. Therefore, it is very difficult to generalize any aspect of criticism or response thereof in a manner to afford universal dependence for infallibility! No better evidence substantiates this fact, than the prevalent practice of ‘case-laws’ being quoted more often than the enactments, altogether over-shadowing the sacrosanct preamble thereto, when legalized forms of criticisms are dealt with in courts of law!
Repondez s’il vous plait.
Psn (6-10-2008)
Why do people criticize? A look at a very brief, indicative list--
1. For the sake of saying something, knowing no other way of making their presence felt,
2. To get the other person provoked into a reaction at least, when arousal of a response fails,
3. To contribute a sense of participation if a person fails to notice anything worth appreciating,
4. To reassure the others of a genuine, sincere, honest, true concern and loyalty towards them(!)
5. A pre-emptive strike, relying on the adage, “ Offence is the best form of defense”,
6. To correct, educate, & help a loved person,
And, so on ……
How do people choose to criticize—
1. Diplomatically, when possible reactions are felt to be economically unviable!
2. Subtly, when relationships are too precious and vulnerable, despite compulsions of situations.
3. Loudly and in public, when the recipient can be at a great disadvantage to retort even!
4. In a staggered manner to avoid being out-done with a corrective action(when there is a race)!
And so on……
How well we respond or react to criticism, largely depends upon various factors and situations. A look at a few situations—
1. If it the boss who criticizes only two golden rules:--
a) The boss is always right,
b) In case of a doubt, refer to “a)” above!
(The term ‘Boss’ may include parents—in case of children, teacher in case of students ,and wife in case of ‘dependent’ husbands)
2. When we are capable of in-depth knowledge about the value of the critic, as well as the contents of criticism, the evaluation and response happens at its best—a rare situation.
3. We stand to gain a lot when ego satisfaction strips the other person of all his sense of well being, wealth & disposition in our favour, when we merely feign a deep humility at criticism received! (Not an ethical proposition, though indulged very commonly !)
4. Induced criticism, as a technique to ‘create’ a need or market for something that is meant to benefit the recipient.
5. When we choose to care for the well being of others, response to any and every type of criticism turns out as yet another opportunity to translate our unbounded love into action! A bit rare occurrence.
6. Criticism also becomes a means of evolving better into our emotional capabilities when response is looked at as a conscious effort each time with a sense of gratitude. Response may not necessitate any action, but a mere subtle gesture, a hint in deep acknowledgement of the other’s message that they care, and therefore criticize!
7. Health of a ‘healthy criticism’ deteriorates along with the weakening of relationships!
Epilogue:
Criticism is vulnerable to emotions a lot more than a casual, routine, analytical feedback. The complexity of emotions, by its very nature traps a person into a unique world of one’s own creation. Therefore, it is very difficult to generalize any aspect of criticism or response thereof in a manner to afford universal dependence for infallibility! No better evidence substantiates this fact, than the prevalent practice of ‘case-laws’ being quoted more often than the enactments, altogether over-shadowing the sacrosanct preamble thereto, when legalized forms of criticisms are dealt with in courts of law!
Repondez s’il vous plait.
Psn (6-10-2008)
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