Really ‘related’ with relatively related relatives?
We have lots of these relatives through family relationships. “Close” relatives sometimes are not that ‘closely’ related. It is relative to situations, as to what ‘relates’ us really!
Oh! It is touchy or sensitive to resolve with relatives directly. Usually, it is the ‘take it for granted’ attitude, that dulls true bonds. Some sort of ‘right’ on the other’s ‘duties’ towards us is essentially what brings a sense of ‘suffocation’. We seek consolation by trying to reassure ourselves that we are ‘bound’ by social rules, customs, traditions, practices etc. Also, as an individual, we feel helpless to bring about any change. And, what kind of change could we think of? Already, ‘joint family’ concepts are a thing of past. Ironically, the word ‘joint-family’ got coined when the ‘recession’ had set into the ‘quality’ of relationships between relatives! Only a crisis would compel us to take a serious look at any issue! This time, it would be an emotional crisis that could perhaps persuade us strongly to take a serious and a deeper look. But once the emotional ‘balance’ is lost, sound judgment is the first victim! Handling emotions better, is an arduous task, given the present situation where there is no structure/institution in place to ‘train’ us. That leaves us with just one choice—an attempt to logically analyze the issue.
Logic helps us to understand that ‘subtle’ difference between ‘commitment’ and ‘accountability’. It is the clever blend of these two that compels us to be ‘duty-bound’ towards our relatives. When a commitment is compelled, using ‘social-accountability’ as a weapon, no rules can come to our rescue. Remaining ‘connected’ to relatives gives us a sense of social security. In ancient days our evolved ancestors resorted to ‘social’ boycott as a ‘refined’ way of punishment for crimes, instead of violent injury-causing, brute, crude punishments. Some where down the line, this got misused by ‘heads’ of clan, family, society etc and then the values got eroded. Today social boycott is not very effective since we are already used to dwelling in the same building, calling it ‘Apart’-ments, not bothering to even get introduced to the next door neighbor for years!
We do have a hazy picture of that subtle difference between commitment and accountability because many a times we are more comfortable in the company of our friends than our relatives. Friends ‘acknowledge’ our commitment more ‘manifestly’ than those ‘accountability’ demanding relatives who blame for not helping and fail to show any response even (leave alone any show of gratitude), because it is their ‘right’ as your ‘relative’. But the picture is still not that clear (non-interlaced-monitor is clearer, and like wise, non-interlaced understanding of commitment and accountability has to be clearer!)
There are that friends with just vested-interest, need based friendships, materialistic friendships etc. Also, there are those meek and humble relatives who do not protest against ‘accountability’ rights! It is therefore, that the debate about better help in times of need, whether from friends or from relatives, remains inconclusive and highly subjective.
We all are having that sense of commitment. But most of it remains latent for lack of adequate social recognition. It is here that emotions matter! For example, during the Nov-2008 Mumbai attack, even the staff of Taj hotel displayed tremendous sense of ‘commitment’ towards guests by risking their lives to save that of the guests! There was no accountability factor at all! Nor were they related as either friends or relatives. Even it did not matter if the guests were not fellow-countrymen! In a normal routine day, they (the very same staff) might perhaps deprive themselves of this tremendous joy, the inner experience, withholding the manifestation of commitment latent in them! They are victims of their own perception. It is the situation and society that victimizes us. Even students of ‘Law’ are required to ritualistically take an ‘oath’ to ‘commit’ themselves to justice! The preamble of every enactment is ample logical proof of limitations of law in fixing that ‘accountability’ through codification!
“Enough is enough” was the popular slogan during the post-analysis of Nov-2008 Mumbai attacks. It called for a deeper look at our sense of commitment beyond just complying with paying taxes, demanding ‘accountability’ from leaders, police, army etc. Our ‘commitment’ towards secularism seemed to need a serious ‘re-look’ when it has become a ‘right’ of some others, to be used indiscriminately, interpreting religion to even justify the taking of lives of innocent, defenseless civilians, women and even children!
Such extreme situation need not be the only reason for us to get our priorities re-aligned! It is quite sensible to avoid confusion about ‘commitment’, duty, response-ability, accountability etc. If and when this sense dawns, then, every body, more so those ‘accomplished’ individuals would invariably also end up as great social performers, offering their very capabilities to their very best, joyously with a deep sense of commitment, evolving and expanding their sphere of relationships from just relatives, to friends, society, country, mankind, and then every living being!
Our culture is very rich. There is a tradition to teach ‘values of commitment’ even at a tender age. Soon after that ‘thread-ceremony’ , a child is taught to accept food as an act out of ‘selfless-love’ by one’s own mother, implying that, it is her ‘commitment’ that provides the child his food and not his ‘right’ to be fed by a ‘duty-bound’ mother! Symbolically, the child utters “Bhavati Bhikshaam Deyhi” and then the mother offers rice grains. Today, the only significance that remains of this ritual is to ‘pose’ prominently enough before a camera or video-handy cam during the occasion!
So, obviously, there is no ‘accountability’ involved for the usual lack of response or feed-back !
Regards,
Psn(29 Dec, 2008)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Breakingpoint
Breaking-point
This is something that I had been longing to share about for a long time. But, even to talk about it, to me, seemed difficult! Somehow, recently, I happened to ‘blurt it out’ in a way that far exceeded my own guesses.
Yet, I have been very hesitant to write it down, this time for a totally different reason. I am reminded of many precious words fading out in many ways, just because it was written down, to be read at one’s ‘convenience’. My own experience reaffirms the ancient traditional practice of ‘through the word of mouth’ method of communicating one’s experiences, effectively and enriched with the much needed emotion contents! The urge to collect the thoughts and place them together, got the better of me, perhaps!
The word
I seek reference to this word ‘breaking-point’ by attributing a little non-conventional use of its sense and meaning. So I do not mean to refer to it as –
a) that point at which a convict, a suspect or a prisoner ‘confesses’ something under torture,
b) that point when someone feels being ‘driven to the wall’ and then succumbs or tries to retaliate despite one’s all the short-comings, weaknesses, etc (like in the case of a blackmail).
b) and so on …..
This is about something that happens to us out of our own mind-set which prevents us from pursuing that which is needed of us to be done. This ‘breaking-point’ is something that I am unable to precisely define or that it is a bit subtle. Nevertheless, I could use an example to give an idea or some ‘feel’ of it. We sometimes undergo a kind of mind-fatigue that we call as ‘boredom’. Once this boredom creeps in, it straightaway erodes many of our capabilities, tolerance & sustenance levels! Students preparing for an examination in a subject which fails to evoke their interest know too well! When we attend some long lectures, our alertness fails, and we try to fight that sleep inducement! Even in the case of children, the lullaby puts them to sleep very soon, at a wrong time, to suit the ‘busy’ mother, and while the mother innocently feels proud of her ‘melody’ capability, it could be the repetitive gibberish that induced the child to retract into a slumber!
A helpful link:
I happened to mention about how ‘priority’ evades, being steadfast in our life. I can weave an extension to it here. We find our New Year resolutions, de-addiction-resolves and the likes becoming short-lived. Goals remain just the ‘goals’ because it lacks the dynamism of ‘priority’. The ‘priority’ itself slides down right under our nose! So if a person feels interested to look at ‘breaking-point’ the way I seek to express, a reference to what I wrote about ‘Priority’ could help.
http://selfseekers.blogspot.com/2008/12/priority.html
The ‘breaking-point’
I do have to concede here that I can only attempt to describe it. And that too, using illustrative situations, which again are merely indicative.
Brief illustrations:
1. There are some songs, we like to hear again and again, any time. There are ‘ever-green’ movies, stories, etc. But can we read, listen or view these repetitively and non-stop, on and on? If we try it, we find some kind of saturation point like being ‘over-fed’ after a few non-stop repetitions. We have to allow that mind’s appetite for it to form by itself again, if we are to be able to really enjoy it, though we know that we love it!
2. Students attempting to revise lessons on the eve of their exams find it even surprising that such exercise leaves them nearly ‘blank’ as at the beginning. Well, perhaps ‘re’-vision is really about something that we already had some ‘vision’ earlier! But some subjects simply refuse to cooperate with some students.
3. A rare occurrence though, we find some brilliant students become mentally ill as a result of intensely studying some subject. We are surprised or baffled by such instances and try to become a bit cautious ourselves.
4. A sudden & intense shock, pain & sorrow due to a very untimely death of a close person causes mental dis-orientation to some people. Lucky ones, as we find in movie stories, regain normalcy at a similarly shocking situation!
5. People pursuing excellence in arts like music, dance etc or in fields of sports like cricket, shooting, chess, caroms, etc, find some kind of stagnation in their attainment of higher levels of performance. Some kind of mental fatigue seems to obstruct their abilities to focus better!
6. and so on ….
Mind encounters some kind of fatigue while doing things a bit repetitively. In some situations the very first attempt makes us weary. We know of job-fatigues. If something compels us to tolerate this mind fatigue beyond our capacity, it leads to a ‘torture-point’. This distance towards torture-point grows in magnitude progressively.
The time allowed for reaching this torture point inversely affects the mental calm and its retrieval too. The repetition of such journeys affects the mental health proportionately. All this is individual dependent. Once this torture point is reached, most people retract (or retrace their steps) very quickly. Here an example might illustrate. There have been spiritual practitioners (in ancient days), who try to undertake some rigorous practices. To become better equipped for their travel beyond that torture point, they also practice some kinds of ‘self-torture’ like sleeping on nail-beds, sleeping with corpses, tasting excreta and such other acts, just to be able to ‘cross over’ the distance beyond that ‘torture-point’ till they touch that breaking-point! This example is merely an extreme case where certain spiritual practices require uncommon levels of tolerance. Since the present generation has taken a ‘fancy’ for “Yoga” and spirituality, we can also easily see a very large number of ‘drop-outs’ happening in a very short span of time!
For each person, and for each type of activity, this journey towards the torture point and beyond, up to breaking point, differs entirely. While there are no measuring tools, no tangible milestones or standard techniques to traverse successfully, the ‘awareness’ of such a phenomenon does help in handling the real-life situations, handling priorities, etc, more dexterously and thus ‘realizing’ most of our cherished goals.
There are many examples of persons who have been quite fortunate to crossover the breaking point.
Such people find ‘effortlessness’ in such activity of theirs.
Help from others, support from others does matter in our journey to cross over that breaking point. In a spiritual journey, such help is accorded the highest respect and begets or invokes the deepest of gratitude.
Emotional training is of very great significance and does matter a lot in our journey towards that breaking point.
It so happens that the experience of the nature of journey differs from person to person, and also for each type of activity. So, familiarity with a tougher journey (coupled with sustained awareness), makes the lighter ones easier. And obviously, the toughest one, the spiritual path, is also the most hazardous one. The rewards are proportionate. Fortunately, the occurrence of this hazard (in the case of spiritual path) is rare mostly because, very few venture even up to half way towards that torture point itself!
Divine grace helps us to simply glide across, right through over that point, after which life itself is effortless!
Psn(8-12-2008)
This is something that I had been longing to share about for a long time. But, even to talk about it, to me, seemed difficult! Somehow, recently, I happened to ‘blurt it out’ in a way that far exceeded my own guesses.
Yet, I have been very hesitant to write it down, this time for a totally different reason. I am reminded of many precious words fading out in many ways, just because it was written down, to be read at one’s ‘convenience’. My own experience reaffirms the ancient traditional practice of ‘through the word of mouth’ method of communicating one’s experiences, effectively and enriched with the much needed emotion contents! The urge to collect the thoughts and place them together, got the better of me, perhaps!
The word
I seek reference to this word ‘breaking-point’ by attributing a little non-conventional use of its sense and meaning. So I do not mean to refer to it as –
a) that point at which a convict, a suspect or a prisoner ‘confesses’ something under torture,
b) that point when someone feels being ‘driven to the wall’ and then succumbs or tries to retaliate despite one’s all the short-comings, weaknesses, etc (like in the case of a blackmail).
b) and so on …..
This is about something that happens to us out of our own mind-set which prevents us from pursuing that which is needed of us to be done. This ‘breaking-point’ is something that I am unable to precisely define or that it is a bit subtle. Nevertheless, I could use an example to give an idea or some ‘feel’ of it. We sometimes undergo a kind of mind-fatigue that we call as ‘boredom’. Once this boredom creeps in, it straightaway erodes many of our capabilities, tolerance & sustenance levels! Students preparing for an examination in a subject which fails to evoke their interest know too well! When we attend some long lectures, our alertness fails, and we try to fight that sleep inducement! Even in the case of children, the lullaby puts them to sleep very soon, at a wrong time, to suit the ‘busy’ mother, and while the mother innocently feels proud of her ‘melody’ capability, it could be the repetitive gibberish that induced the child to retract into a slumber!
A helpful link:
I happened to mention about how ‘priority’ evades, being steadfast in our life. I can weave an extension to it here. We find our New Year resolutions, de-addiction-resolves and the likes becoming short-lived. Goals remain just the ‘goals’ because it lacks the dynamism of ‘priority’. The ‘priority’ itself slides down right under our nose! So if a person feels interested to look at ‘breaking-point’ the way I seek to express, a reference to what I wrote about ‘Priority’ could help.
http://selfseekers.blogspot.com/2008/12/priority.html
The ‘breaking-point’
I do have to concede here that I can only attempt to describe it. And that too, using illustrative situations, which again are merely indicative.
Brief illustrations:
1. There are some songs, we like to hear again and again, any time. There are ‘ever-green’ movies, stories, etc. But can we read, listen or view these repetitively and non-stop, on and on? If we try it, we find some kind of saturation point like being ‘over-fed’ after a few non-stop repetitions. We have to allow that mind’s appetite for it to form by itself again, if we are to be able to really enjoy it, though we know that we love it!
2. Students attempting to revise lessons on the eve of their exams find it even surprising that such exercise leaves them nearly ‘blank’ as at the beginning. Well, perhaps ‘re’-vision is really about something that we already had some ‘vision’ earlier! But some subjects simply refuse to cooperate with some students.
3. A rare occurrence though, we find some brilliant students become mentally ill as a result of intensely studying some subject. We are surprised or baffled by such instances and try to become a bit cautious ourselves.
4. A sudden & intense shock, pain & sorrow due to a very untimely death of a close person causes mental dis-orientation to some people. Lucky ones, as we find in movie stories, regain normalcy at a similarly shocking situation!
5. People pursuing excellence in arts like music, dance etc or in fields of sports like cricket, shooting, chess, caroms, etc, find some kind of stagnation in their attainment of higher levels of performance. Some kind of mental fatigue seems to obstruct their abilities to focus better!
6. and so on ….
Mind encounters some kind of fatigue while doing things a bit repetitively. In some situations the very first attempt makes us weary. We know of job-fatigues. If something compels us to tolerate this mind fatigue beyond our capacity, it leads to a ‘torture-point’. This distance towards torture-point grows in magnitude progressively.
The time allowed for reaching this torture point inversely affects the mental calm and its retrieval too. The repetition of such journeys affects the mental health proportionately. All this is individual dependent. Once this torture point is reached, most people retract (or retrace their steps) very quickly. Here an example might illustrate. There have been spiritual practitioners (in ancient days), who try to undertake some rigorous practices. To become better equipped for their travel beyond that torture point, they also practice some kinds of ‘self-torture’ like sleeping on nail-beds, sleeping with corpses, tasting excreta and such other acts, just to be able to ‘cross over’ the distance beyond that ‘torture-point’ till they touch that breaking-point! This example is merely an extreme case where certain spiritual practices require uncommon levels of tolerance. Since the present generation has taken a ‘fancy’ for “Yoga” and spirituality, we can also easily see a very large number of ‘drop-outs’ happening in a very short span of time!
For each person, and for each type of activity, this journey towards the torture point and beyond, up to breaking point, differs entirely. While there are no measuring tools, no tangible milestones or standard techniques to traverse successfully, the ‘awareness’ of such a phenomenon does help in handling the real-life situations, handling priorities, etc, more dexterously and thus ‘realizing’ most of our cherished goals.
There are many examples of persons who have been quite fortunate to crossover the breaking point.
Such people find ‘effortlessness’ in such activity of theirs.
Help from others, support from others does matter in our journey to cross over that breaking point. In a spiritual journey, such help is accorded the highest respect and begets or invokes the deepest of gratitude.
Emotional training is of very great significance and does matter a lot in our journey towards that breaking point.
It so happens that the experience of the nature of journey differs from person to person, and also for each type of activity. So, familiarity with a tougher journey (coupled with sustained awareness), makes the lighter ones easier. And obviously, the toughest one, the spiritual path, is also the most hazardous one. The rewards are proportionate. Fortunately, the occurrence of this hazard (in the case of spiritual path) is rare mostly because, very few venture even up to half way towards that torture point itself!
Divine grace helps us to simply glide across, right through over that point, after which life itself is effortless!
Psn(8-12-2008)
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Priority
This very word makes me wonder whether it is a sheer coincidence that its use in English language leaves its competitors (the translated equals in other languages), far behind!
As an example, ‘Top Priority’ has a matchless impact! We turn to another capability “communication” and its skills that necessarily complement priority.
Perhaps it is the complexity of communication, its skills, further compounded by diverse priorities, its shifting nature that decides many things about life.
Many things about life that matter, include attitude towards life, handling of situations, mutual relationships, etc.
Marital relationships and Priorities:
Mutual relationships are most vulnerable between spouses, when there is a mismatch of priorities! Communication skills could at best help sustaining relationships for a longer period, by ‘camouflage & concealment’ techniques, in trying to reveal this mismatch. But again, at the cost of nurturing a distrust!
Whether it is about spouse or spice, we are more tolerant than the western world!
Giving a patient hearing, with some emotional empathy has not been a ‘priority’ in the materialistic western world. So, psychiatrists thrive, doing this, for a handsome fee, for the patients. So, it is just that if we are unable to accept that ‘patience pays’, we end up as patients who pays!
When marital relationships become strained, we try to find out ‘who is wrong’. The answer seems to evade us. Then we try to find out ‘what went wrong’. Still, a solution seems to elude us! Now it is time to shift from wrong way of searching for a ‘wrong’ or right. It is not about comparison or gradation. It is about clarity. It is about priorities that could be just unique or diverse. Perhaps a solution is now well within reach.
The ‘Priority-factor’:
It is the ‘priority-factor’ that decides and also connects the sequence of our goals, short term & long term goals, culminating into success of our ultimate goals.
Some situations:
A leading, popular and very successful mobile company perhaps understands the complexity of communications only too well, and so markets too many models, and claims that it is ‘connecting people’ and prefers to call its retails outlets as “Priority” !
Shifting priority—A journey is important, when we compromise to enter the jam-packed unreserved compartment of a train. Later, we ‘think’ of good place to stand in the crowd, then if we can squeeze into a seat, then even about sleep! Now if the sleep needs to be ‘sound’ we look around for an innocent looking ignorant idiot, persuade him to take care of our luggage, and even ask him to remember about waking us up for meals-station or our destination!
Children, are not really good at ‘handling’ even their few priorities. We find them too impatient, testing our patience in turn! On the other hand, when a person handles multiple priorities well, and simultaneously, we call him a ‘mature’ person.
When a person meekly surrenders his/her priorities, he/she becomes a ‘good’ husband/wife.
A good teacher, a good parent to a child is also sometimes surrendering of priorities though such priority would have been in the best interests of that child’s future!
“Good” is bait offered for hunters of scapegoats who are willing to surrender their priorities. Thus, self respect, dignity, human rights, civil rights etc vanish from the list of priorities when a common man deals with police, courts, politicians, municipal corporations, tax authorities etc.
Between spouses, we are often surprised that individually ‘ideal’ couples end up as mutually-incompatible mismatches! The problem aggravates to a chronic & acute levels when ‘temporary’ priorities produce ‘lasting’ results called children (again a resultant and longer lasting ‘priority’!), and then, even the mismatch of basic priorities deter a separation or even a divorce. Also the diverse culture of our country does not easily support divorce! The ‘compromise’ now demands a heavy price!
Prioritize priority:
A deeper understanding of our goals, evolving a structure of priorities, makes life a bit easier. Ability to also understand the priorities of others and of the situations, and flexibility to adjust & re-align our own priorities makes our lives more happy. When a person places the priorities of others well above one’s own, and thus shifts slowly towards a state of ‘choice-less-ness’, coupled with a deeper perception level & sharp levels of alertness & awareness, joyousness pervades into one’s life!
Success in life, in a way, is about the success of the priorities, by the priorities, for the priorities!
A response, either way, if evoked by this, may be indicative of ‘priority’ becoming a priority!
Psn(3-12-2008)
As an example, ‘Top Priority’ has a matchless impact! We turn to another capability “communication” and its skills that necessarily complement priority.
Perhaps it is the complexity of communication, its skills, further compounded by diverse priorities, its shifting nature that decides many things about life.
Many things about life that matter, include attitude towards life, handling of situations, mutual relationships, etc.
Marital relationships and Priorities:
Mutual relationships are most vulnerable between spouses, when there is a mismatch of priorities! Communication skills could at best help sustaining relationships for a longer period, by ‘camouflage & concealment’ techniques, in trying to reveal this mismatch. But again, at the cost of nurturing a distrust!
Whether it is about spouse or spice, we are more tolerant than the western world!
Giving a patient hearing, with some emotional empathy has not been a ‘priority’ in the materialistic western world. So, psychiatrists thrive, doing this, for a handsome fee, for the patients. So, it is just that if we are unable to accept that ‘patience pays’, we end up as patients who pays!
When marital relationships become strained, we try to find out ‘who is wrong’. The answer seems to evade us. Then we try to find out ‘what went wrong’. Still, a solution seems to elude us! Now it is time to shift from wrong way of searching for a ‘wrong’ or right. It is not about comparison or gradation. It is about clarity. It is about priorities that could be just unique or diverse. Perhaps a solution is now well within reach.
The ‘Priority-factor’:
It is the ‘priority-factor’ that decides and also connects the sequence of our goals, short term & long term goals, culminating into success of our ultimate goals.
Some situations:
A leading, popular and very successful mobile company perhaps understands the complexity of communications only too well, and so markets too many models, and claims that it is ‘connecting people’ and prefers to call its retails outlets as “Priority” !
Shifting priority—A journey is important, when we compromise to enter the jam-packed unreserved compartment of a train. Later, we ‘think’ of good place to stand in the crowd, then if we can squeeze into a seat, then even about sleep! Now if the sleep needs to be ‘sound’ we look around for an innocent looking ignorant idiot, persuade him to take care of our luggage, and even ask him to remember about waking us up for meals-station or our destination!
Children, are not really good at ‘handling’ even their few priorities. We find them too impatient, testing our patience in turn! On the other hand, when a person handles multiple priorities well, and simultaneously, we call him a ‘mature’ person.
When a person meekly surrenders his/her priorities, he/she becomes a ‘good’ husband/wife.
A good teacher, a good parent to a child is also sometimes surrendering of priorities though such priority would have been in the best interests of that child’s future!
“Good” is bait offered for hunters of scapegoats who are willing to surrender their priorities. Thus, self respect, dignity, human rights, civil rights etc vanish from the list of priorities when a common man deals with police, courts, politicians, municipal corporations, tax authorities etc.
Between spouses, we are often surprised that individually ‘ideal’ couples end up as mutually-incompatible mismatches! The problem aggravates to a chronic & acute levels when ‘temporary’ priorities produce ‘lasting’ results called children (again a resultant and longer lasting ‘priority’!), and then, even the mismatch of basic priorities deter a separation or even a divorce. Also the diverse culture of our country does not easily support divorce! The ‘compromise’ now demands a heavy price!
Prioritize priority:
A deeper understanding of our goals, evolving a structure of priorities, makes life a bit easier. Ability to also understand the priorities of others and of the situations, and flexibility to adjust & re-align our own priorities makes our lives more happy. When a person places the priorities of others well above one’s own, and thus shifts slowly towards a state of ‘choice-less-ness’, coupled with a deeper perception level & sharp levels of alertness & awareness, joyousness pervades into one’s life!
Success in life, in a way, is about the success of the priorities, by the priorities, for the priorities!
A response, either way, if evoked by this, may be indicative of ‘priority’ becoming a priority!
Psn(3-12-2008)
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