A "Friendly" Spouse.

The most tough puzzle that we face is to be able to convert our spouse into our friend. We are not prepared to first 'become' their friend. They should become our friend. That is the whole puzzle about. And then we find it convenient to confide , confidently, our confidential matters, to suit only us! It is almost like that tussle , refusal by the politicians to allow a 'PM' to be subjected to investigated on charges of corruption by a 'Lokpal'!!!

We know logically, the practical difficulties, in trying to befriend a spouse. So, the next choice is to keep waiting for that spouse to begin with CBM (Confidence Building Measures) first, and live, or just spend a whole lifetime, with that consolation.

We all love to watch horror films, psycho films etc. But if we visualise, being inside that film, in that story, it is not any more a thing to 'love'. That is exactly one of the points of differences faced by a spouse, compared to a friend. The spouse is choicelessly inside the story. A friend has a choice always, and can walk out of it anytime. Not that a spouse can never be a friend. It needs tremendous emotional stability, and a deep sense of acceptance, to keep aside those practical difficulties, and yet offer a friendly approach to a spouse. And, like a true friend, it is likely to be just one-sided. No 'accounts' between friends.

Please see, 'trust' and 'emotional stability', both are essential to forge a good friendship. Whether it is between spouses, or between parent and child. Both these qualities are not available to logical evaluation. But they are 'reasonable' enough! Reasoning is the bridge between logic and emotion within us. (Does it not sound as if logic and emotion are like spouses within us, and if they are incompatible to each other, that friendly marriage even right within us is a struggle to sustain! The outside is then, a mere shadow boxing, with the poor 'other' spouse.... I mean....... our only spouse, of course!)

psn(21^st June, 2011)

http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110619095630AAKh6od

Why are we not supposed to share everything with our spouse/lover while we share everything with our friend?

God offers us to choose the two relationship by our own in the life. Friendship & Spouse. Why we are not 100% transparent to our spouse/lover while we are being an empty diary to our best friend.. I am sure majority of people is not sharing everything to their spouse/lover but they are fully transparent to their best friend.

My Answer:

Trust is the basic element that decides.
Emotional stability is the equally important element.
The demands on 'emotional stability' are more on the spouse than a friend.
(For instance, if we are afflicted by 'AIDS' virus, soon after marriage, not necessarily due to our negligence or wilful misdeed, a friend finds it easier to sympathise. But a spouse has to exercise extra caution, and fore-go a physiological need for the rest of the life.... the demands on a spouse is a bit larger. It is almost like the difference between watching a movie, and being inside the story of the movie!).
Agreed, not all situations are that badly extreme, in day-to-day life. But apprehensions creep in without waiting for permissions. And emotional issues are sought to be dealt with logically, and this is where differences creep in most often. With a friend, the very basis is unconditional, and logic does not creep in that fast.
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Not just about a spouse.... Fortunate are those children who find their parent or parents to be "like" their friends!