Emotional Maturity

Many people find themselves unable to manage the people around, at a work place, though they are technically very competent at the job. Often this ‘human-interactions’ has a fall-out, affecting their performance adversely, and even affecting their career when appraisals carry a significant confidential ‘note’ about their inability to ‘get-along’ with co-workers/customers/clients, etc! When just a small correction is needed to their emotional manifestation, they are simply categorized as “lacking communication skills”, and are denied the due elevation in organizational ladder! Emotion-management is just one of the many aspects of ‘communication skills’ but very noticeable enough, and therefore quite significant where the nature of work is ‘commercially’ affected due to lack of ‘proper’ interaction with people. It would not be out of place to mention here that most youngsters engaged in “BPO-call-centers” now-a-days, tend to go ‘mad’ or ‘insane’ in trying to put up with patiently responding to abusive hysterical in coming ‘calls’ from customers! Recently, I came across one such youngster who presented the problem as insurmountable, and hence agreed with the trend that most people quit too soon, only to be replaced with ‘freshers’ who are eager to first land at some job to start with! I jokingly retorted to that youngster that after all, they do not ‘face’ the customer, they only listen, and that too, from a safe distance. What about the elder generation, who used to manage the maddening crowds with manual handling of work ‘across’ the counter, face to face? Then I further mounted an argument, what if this youngster has to ‘face’ the ‘same face’ for the rest of their life, like for instance, in the form of a mother-in-law? The youngster was somewhat confused at this logic. I now delivered the final blows with 'stretching of the argument', what if they have to face an irrational spouse? Okay, may be divorce is a choice. But if the offspring is to be ‘faced’ (the emotional bonds are often one-sided!!). Thinking of such possibilities might give some strength to face with relative ease, the occasional “rough & rude” customers at a distance, more cheerfully, I said. Please take it as a ‘training’ session (just in case), I added, concluding!
I felt a bit guilty, having had an unfair advantage at the youngster with my experience at play of verbal logic. But, the ‘seeding’ to move towards an emotionally mature adult was invariably done! Whether it was some intuition or premonition, I do not know, but very soon thereafter, I was to learn what was in store for that youngster (A very trying, irreversible, knotty situation, which would rigidly test the emotional ‘balance’ decisively, to affect for the rest of the life!). Yet again, I seemed to be prevented by unseen hands, from interfering with ‘nature’s work’. That is however, a personal or rather subjective matter. Let us proceed to look at the general question quoted below.
Regards,
Psn(12th December, 2009)

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The question:
How do you become more emotionally mature?
I'm 26. I've been told a lot that I'm immature for my age. My bosses also say I show my emotions too much. Did some research on it and a lot of the signs describe me. I also seem to have a fatal flaw of logic and misinterpret a lot of social signals. I'm tired of it. Now that I'm aware of this, how do I become more emotionally mature?

My answer:
When we relate 'emotions' and the show of it, at work place, then we have to look at why we are at the workplace in the 'first' place.The relationship is basically contractual, materialistic, and therefore more logical than emotional.The emotions at the workplace do not warrant much of manifestation. The love for the work we do, for instance, is the deepest of emotions that gets excellent recognition in an 'ideal' situation. But commercial logic prevents such recognition, due to apprehensions of 'taking undue advantage'! The reason is, in commercial obligations, the element of 'trust' is kept at barest possible minimum level, replacing it with other verifiable means, like documentation, pre-conditions to be complied etc.When we human beings need to interact with others at a work place, we do not literally 'switch-off'' our emotions. And when we 'experience' deep emotions, an onlooker who is having other priorities would often fail to appreciate our 'inner' situation, and 'read' it as over-emotional. Take an extreme example. In a battle, the boss, the "Major" commands a soldier to forsake a dying wounded soldier and proceed to 'capture' a vital position, to get control over the battle. But this soldier is 'emotionally' stricken to help out his colleague who was with him for years like an own brother. Logically, staying back to help this near-dying soldier is very risky for the soldier and for the country(loss of one more soldier --vulnerability of getting shot/killed like a 'sitting duck'!). Logically it is sound reasoning to obey the Major. But, leaving the wounded soldier to die alone, uncared would leave a permanent scar like memory in our friend-soldier. That is why very 'intense' training is given with stress on 'obedience'.At work place, a worker has to choose, to decide priorities, and manage to stay intelligently at a job. Emotions have to be contained, understanding the priority of the situation around. With sustained practice, a person can become 'mature'. An emotionally mature person has sufficient control over emotions, about whether to manifest it or not. It is not about becoming insensitive/unemotional. It is about allowing logic to prevail where the situation does not warrant emotional outbursts.