Less!

‘Less’ of something seems to suggest that it is just about inadequacy, and not totally bereft of it. But when it comes to a ‘childless’ couple, it seems so hard to look at it that way! The experience of such couples is two pronged. On the one hand, the very issue of being ‘issueless’ envelopes the emotional capability to a great extent, and on the other, the issue of dealing with people around who look at them only as ‘childless’ couple, most of the times! Perhaps it is good that the word is suffixed with ‘less’ to suggest a scope to improve upon it. The ‘less’ is felt ‘more’ by people who keep begetting a girl child, while they struggle to hope that may be the next one would be a boy, and the less-ness seems to extend with even more and more of children!

Having known closely several such couples, I could ‘feel’ their feeling of some kind of ‘emptiness’ in their family lives only too well. I would say, it was just my good fortune that when I chose not to mention it at all, about their not having a child, I was ‘regarded’ in a better way by them, even amidst their own close relatives. But I kept wondering as to why this ‘issue’ steadily maintains the number one position throughout their lives, when it comes to counting their short-comings! Can no other joy or achievement overpower their emotions to make them forget this for a while? Having a child of our ‘own’ means so much in one’s life! Even the parents of childless couple suffer no less, in sharing the sorrow of their children! Adoption has never been known to really substitute the want of an ‘own’ child. And as if to re-emphasis this, if the adoptive parents later have a child of their own, this two-pronged thrust re-appears afresh in a stronger way! This time the adopted child develops symptoms of distrust, and on-lookers would add ‘elements’ of doubts to it! All this dissuades newer couples from ‘thinking’ of adoption as a solace!

I least expected myself to land upon a question on this ‘issue’, knowing that I find myself witless, when it comes to offering comfort to childless couples! And yet it did happen. The asker seemed to even appreciate the ‘practical’ approach. Having given out the reply, I discovered a ‘factor’ that seems to offer some help, which could even solve other ‘less’ things in us! I hope you would notice that. That is what prompted me to present it here.
Regards,
Psn(17th December, 2009)

http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiBNFikmWycfr1I.tX3y.VWRHQx.;_ylv=3?qid=20091214040016AAhfJhe&show=7#profile-info-MTdMCfmlaa

The question:
How does it feel when people treat you differently when others treat you a certain way because,,,,,?
You're unable to have children. For example, some people look at those of us who can't have children as though we're not fit to survive or we're defective like some product from wal-mart that should be returned to the manufacturer as soon as possible. Or in some cases, some people who do have children don't want to be very much associated with us anymore, especially if your single.

My reply:
It does feel very uncomfortable. But it can't be helped. We cannot change or force the way bulk of the people look at us. We have to seek comfort from the few among them who try to support us. Another way is to perform so well, that this 'basic' view gets heavily out-shadowed! For example, if we do something for all the kids around, something that helps their well-being in a remarkable way, then the very same people would say "Perhaps, nature had planned for this couple to be parents to so many children, and therefore did not earmark just one or two of their own!!"... or something to that effect! Please see, when a farmer looks at a plant, tree, shrub or so, which does not bear fruit even beyond its maturity age, it does sadden the farmer a little. Some farmers even cut them down (perhaps due to some sentiment that the nearby tree should not 'follow-suit'!). This is more or less 'natural'. True, human beings when looking at other human beings should look beyond such 'materialistic' aspect, but practically, it seldom happens! The easier thing would be, "to shift our view, of looking at what should be their view" (or, shift our expectations or desires about the expectation or desires of others!). Animals and plants usually never fail at reproduction, but human beings can. This is so because of the complexity of various other factors which are a matter of choice at each stage of life! Having chosen something (whether through awareness or ignorance), we have to move on to what is possible in the given situation. The choice is always there about future, if only we are keen about it!