Perfectionism

There are two ways of looking at it. But casual critics mix up both these aspects or view points and come to a hasty conclusion.

If we try to perfect ourselves at doing something, it is ‘perfectly’ okay! It is good to do something better than the previous time. We keep evolving. Our focus gets better. Our involvement gets intensified. We fight that drudgery, fatigue, boredom, dullness, etc when we attempt at doing things more perfectly than before. Nothing at all is wrong about it.

The problem is when our craze for perfection is at the cost of others, and for the sake of our comfort. Usually, the burden of effort too rests upon others. That is something to be looked at, otherwise, time would catch up with us, and we get isolated in one way or other.

There are a few who adopt a ‘middle-path’ and use this ‘perfectionism’ for some petty advantage or to camouflage a lacuna. A hair dresser does not like his shop to appear desolate, and may choose to trim the hair of a helplessly lone visitor for an undue length of time, till another customer takes over! Here ‘feigning’ a ‘strive for perfection’ has nothing to do with improving the skill, or trying to wriggle out any undue benefit from other’s perfection.

Very few are fortunate to realize their own folly, looking for perfection from others, or things around. And then when they are genuinely interested to find a way to come out of it, they look for a ‘stable’ support, which would resolve the conflict within, paving way for a deep sense of acceptance, and then free themselves from this nagging problem!

I happened to stumble upon a question, where the asker seemed genuinely concerned about the needless attitude, and was eager to find a way to wriggle out of it.

(I was not quite sure, if this answer of mine ought to find a place in the blog, but then, it occurred to me that, perhaps, we may feel persuaded to look at ourselves, just in case, this perfectionism lingers around with a different name!)

Psn(22nd November, 2010)

http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101121135914AAEGyGR
I hate myself for being a perfectionist?
Hello dear people,

I have a problem. Everything that I own has to be perfect. I will explain:
If a desk of mine has a bad scratch I replace it ( replaced 4 desks in 2 years time). I want to sell my laptop and buy another one because it has a scratch on it. I want to paint my room and buy new furniture because the furniture i have now has scratches on it.
I really hate myself for wanting to replace my stuff all the time because i`m using up my money and my parents money. But if I don`t replace that stuff I feel even worse. I also know that I should be really happy with what I have got because allot of people don`t have it, but still i want to have everything perfect. I want to replace my 2 month`s old TV just because it has some scratches on it.

I hate myself for this but I just cant stop thinking this way...

Is there anything i can do?

Thanks in advance.

I am re-posting my question because I didn`t get enough answers on the previous post.

My reply:
It is indeed a bit difficult to get 'enough' answers, because somewhere everyone is having this problem within themselves. Only the name changes. In general, people who like to have a 'smooth' life, are also hating scratches of stray incidents, which cause discomfort. And, can life be always really so 'smooth'? Even if it is, is it going to be really wonderful? Visualise a movie where the hero-heroine have an utterly smooth and comfortable life (all the 3 hours of that long movie). No villains, no untoward incident. Quite smooth. Interesting? Where is the thrill? Same with objects. Most people love to see thriller movies, where heroes suffer till the end, and somehow succeed at last. "Die hard" , that famous movie, full of trouble for the hero. And now we await the part-2,3,4 etc!!!

In real life, no body likes even a casual nudge in a crowded bus!
So, that hate for imperfection is merely a bit of resistence, a bit of intolerance. When such an emotion is 'noticed' please try some deep breathing, and just see whether it is possible to have perfection. Also, whether perfection "everywhere" is going to yield joy. (All leaves of all trees same size, flowers equally beautiful, fruits perfect round. Even drumsticks like vegetables perfect length, girls perfect beauties all alike, (Oh! I am reminded of that advertisement of pressure cooker, where the heroine asks her husband to visualise every family member looks like her... parents, brother, children, milkman, vendors etc.!! She wanted to suggest different shapes, colors and sizes of cookers! .... Just an ad... but the theme is to have variety, instead of perfection.). All this seems okay, but there is some difficulty in 'implementing' being so used to that instant repulsion towards imperfection. We have to try allowing the situation to decide, instead of "us" taking the 'control'. Then we have the freedom to blend with the situation, the freedom to correct the imperfect things if the situation needs, or else just learn to accept it gracefully, as a part of natural order of things. (You would notice, that generations at all times have been complaining about 'this' generation compared to the previous 'good' one during past time! An exception that people miss is that people on spiritual path 'never' complain. Once the 'inside' is smooth, everything outside appears 'smooth' whichever way it is!