Are we an " ATM " for tolerance?

Very recently, I got into an argument with a lady who works as a cashier at a Bank.
Calling this conversation as an ‘argument’ , I am aware, is a bit of an unjustified allegation on this lady, since we both know very well that she holds me in great esteem, and would hardly think of proceeding beyond a ‘strong protest’, whenever I try to ‘suggest’ some changes in the ‘way of looking at things’.

This time, the discussion was about a very practical problem, which does not seem to have any real solution. The timings for making cash payments were from 10 am to 4 pm. Once the payments are ‘authorized’ on the computer system for payments, it is expected that a cashier should find ‘no reason’ to effect the cash disbursements. But when internal vouchers for sundry payments are kept pending, and released at the very last minute or even a few minutes after that, it amounts to almost a ‘blackmail’ on the cashier (“try and refuse it, and face the consequences” is the subtle message). Whenever a cashier attempts to protest this needless delay, the tactical use of power, the superiority, the linking up of ‘other instances where the cashier would need / depends on ‘sympathy’ of that superior, etc, comes into play! Now even if this cashier approaches a higher authority, this immediate ‘boss’ would whisper “Sir, there was a request from our valuable customer, not to close the cash till they come for an urgent ‘late-payment’, and so I had to use these internal vouchers to hold the cashier back from closing the cash”. It is altogether a different issue as to for whom this customer is really valuable (we know, Diwali comes every year!). There are however, genuine situations, where it is quite reasonable to allow an occasional late payment if somebody’s life, which is indeed universally valuable, is to be saved, with timely purchase of medicines, hospital expenses, with the money withdrawn. Any cashier would readily and proudly respond to such ‘genuine emergencies’. But commercially, this ‘late payment’ tendency is nothing new. It is a kind of sadism. When the accounting was manual, the timings were 10 am to 1 pm, then it was 2 pm, and after the back-office functions got automated, the timings were upto 3 pm, and later upto 4 pm. But irrespective of the closing times, the tendency was to ‘request’ for late payment after the ‘closing hour’, whatever the time be. What would they do, if it is made 24 X 7, to satiate this sadism, I wonder.

My part of the argument arose only after this lady happened to mention about a colleague of hers, who ‘ensured’ that when he was at this payments counter, the internal vouchers came well before noon! And seldom the habitual late coming customers thought of ‘not taking a risk’ with this cashier, and made it well ahead of last quarter of the closing hour! The lady could not become so strict like this colleague of hers, and yet she could not afford her own lenience simply because she could clearly see that her ‘accommodative nature’ was mostly misused or abused.
That is exactly where I had something to say. When we are “indecisive” even about the reason for which we happen to tolerate something, it really adds up to lots of stress, tension, and all that unwanted medical residues in our body over a period of time. The bulk of today’s health problems are owing to the present day situations where fail to cope with our indecisiveness. Please look at the situations…
The bus/train is getting late, and we have to choose between a costlier mode of transport and risk waiting for that regular bus (the auto, taxi fellow knows, with longer delay, he can quote a premium rate!).
The wife brings breakfast only at the last minute, and the spouse ‘utilizes’ the time to wear the shoes even, ties the lace, and reluctantly compromises ‘dry-cleaning’ the eating-hand wiping it hard on a nearby cloth, whether it be his own pant/trousers, before eating (instead of that comforting clean hand wash), before nibbling at that ‘quick’ breakfast (‘quick’ is a generous word to replace that ‘delayed-hence-brief’ breakfast. But the real test is when the breakfast comes in bits and pieces ………. One chappati/dosa after the other, from the tawa…. With that irritating ‘just a minute…’ dialogue with each refill (the hubby is indecisive, choice between getting late, and fighting early hunger. She has her own reasons … ‘did I not put up with your idiosyncrasies, when you chose to invite your friends for a late dinner, when there was a list of groceries yet to be bought since a week ago? The left over vegetables are stale and unfit for guests to be fed.'…

The teenager does not bother to inform when he/she is going to be late reaching home, and the tension is mounting with all the wild imaginations (what could have happened to her/him!)…

The other way, we happen to reach a bit late while visiting an old couple (a courtesy call to that elderly relatives), and the only stupid thing we did is that we informed them of our likely hour of visit. They now ‘use’ it as a weapon, saying “I was WAITING for you right since ‘X’ (so-and-so hour) today …”. Our ‘second track within’ echoes…. “Even otherwise, you were not so preoccupied with anything at this age, so there was no tangible loss, due to your stupid ‘WAITING’…till we came.”

Time is not the only thing that tests our patience. Space also. The person seated next, in a bus, keeps pushing us beyond the seat even, or leans on our shoulder to have a quick nap. Worst is while standing in a local train/bus, … invariably it is the other fellows elbow that finds its sure target our back of the head with that unexpected ‘knock’ (anything else would not have provoked our abrupt outburst, which even we regret, very painfully, later!). In a tight squeezed office, the next-seat-colleague, seems to enjoy nudging the chair, making his way past us from our ‘behind’ , and we end up spoiling that document with an ugly stroke of pen across, due to the unexpected jerk(by that fellow ‘THE jerk’).

Apart from time and space, there is another category which comes under an abstract concept ‘habitual offenders’.. We are tired of helping regular ‘borrowers’(whether it is cash or in kind), who lean heavily upon social norms like close relatives, friends, colleagues etc. They too test our tolerance levels. Once their ‘crisis’ situation is over, they are back to their basic tendencies /pattern /inclination /weaknesses/etc, to yet again create the same/similar crisis, to ‘invoke’ our ‘take-it-for-granted’ type of help. We succumb usually, unwilling to be ‘branded’ as an un-helping/miserly fellow.

There is a long list(we all are reminded of our own unique stock of ‘pet-peeves’).

The point is, how to manage the mounting tension, the accumulated stress/strain, due to countless ‘tolerances’ we are forced into, day in and out, throughout the life?

Not everybody is ‘abled’ to communicate dexterously, to counter the other fellow successfully. So, the ability to put up has to come from within, and end within us, and it has to be quite practical….. Self-deceit would not work. We need ‘strong’ reasons, to be able to put up with such situations. When the reasons are unshakeable, our indecisiveness gets drastically reduced, and adverse consequences on health are far reduced. Our mind would subdue considerably, and not force us to visit a psychiatrist. (The suggestion I offered to that lady constituted a bit elaborate narrative, but it sounded quite convincing to her. I am simply unable to think of attempting here, since it would only end up in testing the tolerance level of your patience yet again!).

I wonder, if that great preceptor “Patanjali” had also thought of this aspect, when he chose to begin that great monumental work “Yoga Sutras” with a strange opening sentence, which means, when translated in English as, “And now Yoga….” (Nothing else seems to work in life……. is the implied meaning!!!).
Regards,

Psn(11th February, 2010)