Worry

I am not so-fortunate as the students of psychiatry/psychology/or-whatever...

They have the 'licence' to look at it (Worry)... whenever they feel inclined to... It is a part of their 'official-syllabus'!... Or, just open a text book, and read-off, read-away.... whatever a 'previous-expert' has written about it...!

I cannot even look at a “worry” unless I am a little-away from it...

Because, while I am with-it... I am also in-it... it , the worry, has soaked me fully... (unfortunately, mirrors don't 'tell'... how worried I look... it can only say, whether I 'look' beautiful or ugly :))...

:)

It was thus, that I proceeded to approach 'worry'.... when I 'thought' thus: “I am not so-much worried right now...”... I felt it to be an 'opportune-moment' to try and understand : “what this worry is all about?” :)

The very word 'intellect'.. seems to suggest, that it cannot be 'stupid' :)

The body, by its very design... (nature has done it for us)... doesn't do any stupidity by-itself... (for example, it tries to simply-throw-out... what is not 'needed'... dust I inhale (my own-stupidity), and the nose instantly-sneezes... it doesn't 'wait'... to ask... “Sir, May I...?” (throw it out?)... it takes me by 'complete-surprise'... and I am so-thoroughly-embarrassed... when I sneeze before an 'elite-crowd'... I mumble “sor-ry”... some elder retorts, “bless you” (Oh!... I am blessed... the body is sensible as-yet!)

Mind.... Yesss!!! Only “a” mind can play with worries (that's what I 'experienced' :) .... it just picks about-any-time... not bothered about my priorities... it picks an 'issue'... it plays the game of a 'worry'... it engages my-attention too-badly!....
Doesn't matter if it is my sleep time too!...
At best... it gives a 'concession'... like, “Okay... it is your sleep time now.. so, for-a-change.. let's worry about-THAT... the new topic is, 'it is sleep-time... what shall I do?... I haven't finished worrying about that 'X-topic'?”...

.....

Is it my own-imagination?....
I look at 'brilliant' minds...

At school, I had a lesson , a story... about a great-mind... Shri Archimedes... he too worried... “how to find out if that crown is entirely of 'pure-gold'?...”...
No help came... Melting down that crown spoils the workmanship (art, skill... that made the crown)..
He had to get along with 'routine' at some point of time... (sleep-time, was also a 'routine')..
Early morning... bath was a decent thing to do (it must be so... for him too!)...
He is yet to 'invoke' yesterday's pending-worry...
Maybe during that 'little-silent-period' of his mind... the intellect was given a little permission to 'observe'... something that was already happening in that bath-tub , all these years!!! :)
His physical body(structure)... uneven outline... displaces water in a manner which can be 'systematically' measured, pouring it into a 'symmetrical-sized' container... it has to match his body's volume! (the rest , we know.... Eureka business... Oh yes!... we even made it into a phrase! The scene of a bath tub, is attractive enough to tempt us to remember it quite-often... Other-eureka's are too-dull-looking!)..

My next 'worry'... “Hey! Why am I not bothered to think... like...'is the sun going to rise again tomorrow?..'... Oh sure! It has always been doing... for centuries at least... Then, am I going to live to 'see-it'?... That too, seems so-probable!... The milk-man is a 'reasonable' thing to worry! Let me worry with/about ...something, which is 'my' domain :) ... Doesn't matter, even-if... my-own-worrying is not going to improve or retard the 'actual-happening' of that event... Worrying is almost like my 'fundamental-right'!... It gives me a kind-of-reassurance, that I am 'responsible' :)

Oops!... Too late before I realised.... almost anything that I take up to do.. or is thrust upon-me, (incumbent on me to-do)... firstly... it takes the shape of a 'worry'... only then I am even-allowed to take a 'look-at'... what I can do...whether I can do... whether the situation will allow me to do it (I safely call it 'a situation'... actually, it is the people around who usually create 'that-situation' for me... a compressed-set-of-problems, the west says, “hey! We have a situation now!” :)

When an observation enters me via 'intellect'... (later the mind can do what it likes with it)... that 'worry' is also-something... that I can-even-try to understand :)

Meditative-states?... worrisome-meditation?... dunno !

worrysomely yours,
psn(9th January, 2016)