Utilisation of potential

Like any other kid, bubbling with life, full of zeal, eager to 'take in' everything and anything that I see around, I too was wide-eyed, most of the time, when staring into anything unfamiliar!(we often remark, especially to a kid... 'No... don't place it too close to that baby, it would try to put anything into its mouth!'. And then we silently-pray, that the kid would not ask 'why so?'..!!! The deeper experience, the more-intimate experience, that 'we'.. had provided to that baby was, when it got its 'mother's milk'... and obviously, the 'input-devices' that we seek, by default.... is what 'we-are-more-comfortable-with'! The baby does the same... it 'thinks' (rather, 'feels') that ..... feeling via-tongue is the best option to feel anything, right now! The touch doesn't give 'that kind of a depth'..! ). When the baby becomes a kid, the eyes take over, and hands reach where the eyes lead them, that is why we keep 'costly/fragile/risky' items out of 'sight' of a kid, when he manages the 'reach' for anything within-sight! (it is another matter that the kid's trust-level slides down when it discovers that we keep things out of its sight, while .... we perhaps... fail-to-realise that our security-concerns are over-riding our 'response-ability' to teach the kids, to discern and then discriminate!).

All this affects the utilisation-of-potential, one way or other!

“I can't afford to spend my time to teach you... just-one-fellow.. so, ask this question in the class, so that ... 'maybe' some other kid might grasp my words better”... says a 'concerned' teacher!

I looked at so much.... even when a kid, and thus thought... “If I don't mean any interruption to the other, it is okay to just watch 'to my fullest-possible-attentiveness' what is 'going-on' during the 'activity of the other' ...” And therefore, even the simple+routine walk to and fro, home and school, became an 'event' for me, on a daily basis, afresh! Memories surge, revealing the unique mannerisms of those whom I watched, (the ill-protected-from-view... slums did reveal the inside-of-homes, too when a poor lady utilises the sparse wherewithals to 'her-best', starting from the tiny space in that dwarfed-hut!)..

What I missed to notice was the deepening of my-own-perceptions!... I was just lost into what I was observing!... This must have been the 'why'... I thought later, that I missed to take note of how I grew, when I grew... dimensionally too, in my perceptions (the physical growth was measured by the 'too-soon-ill-fitting of clothes that came as charity to me from my cousins.. apart from the 'discovery' of a sudden reach when I keep jumping towards something at a height!)... Certain things did mystify me, like, .. when my mom chided me, 'you need not know... just repeat these words to your dad, and he would know!'... One evening, the ladies of neighbourhood gathered around my younger sister, and where in a heated-discussion, and I was clueless about what could have 'happened' to this girl?... Then they decided, my father is to be told 'urgently'! A 10 paise coin was the cost involved, and what came free was 'me', who would run up to the nearest coin-box hanging at the pillar of a large hospital's foyer, about half a kilometer away from where we rented a house, and called it our-home! I hurried to that box, and shouted at my best when my father announced himself on the phone (that shouting was for two reasons: 1)To deliver the entire message within 3 minutes, I was given only one ten-paise-coin... and 2)To ensure that he hears!), I repeated “mom said 'quote: my sister has grown up'..” and I waited, to see if he would 'offer-some-details'! All he said was “okay, I would do the needful, tell her”... Still a few more seconds to go.. I ventured, 'dad, what does it mean, we all grow up, but nobody announces thus on a specific day?'.. He said, 'I will tell you later'.. And mercifully, he did! (I still revere my dad for the amazing choice of words, the reach towards my tiny mind, and telling in a 'way' that a 'kid-like-me' would easily understand, and also ensuring that what was told was the 'right-dosage'... No copy-paste available for him then! He had to 'decide' by a conscious choice, whether a kid of my age needs to be told all this!.. My sister matured a little early, by 'normal-standards'.. so I heard the elder ladies say.. but it was not so-unusual, and yet a little uncommon.. The rest of the rituals that followed for next 4 to 5 days, did make a large deficit in my dad's budget, while I was on my 'learning-process' about how nature-even, without any 'natural-calamity' affects a poor family's budget!

The tendency to 'over-eat' got curbed, when I realised that my utilisation of that extra morsel of food was 'indulgence' when so many others are so-hungry around me!... Only when something is sure to go a waste, would I really think-of-consuming, not otherwise.. It just looked like 'common-sense' and nothing more! But, that concept of 'full-utilisation' of resource of any kind... it did sink deeper and deeper, with the passage of time!... I started feeling 'hesitant' to draw the attention of somebody who is 'great' in some way! Am I sure to justify gobbling up all-his efforts, time, and resources?...

A story came up, during my teens... It seems a humble musician from south(India), walked up all the way to have an 'audience' (a darshan), of the great musical composer, singer and also known as a saint... The saint Thyagaraaja Bhagawathar. In those days, any musician worth his name would mostly, engage into a musical rendition of Bhagawatham (some ancient holy scripture), and hence the title-Bhaagawathar, (I guess)... This humble musician was known as 'Govinda Marar'... He requested Thyagaraja, to allow him to listen to a song.. And this Saint, rebuked saying “What do you think of yourself?.. to ask me to sing a song 'exclusively for you'?... Go and stand behind a pillar at that temple, and wait.. when I sing for an audience, you too may listen”... Govind-ji bowed humbly, to gesture an acceptance.. But this gesture emboldened the other, who went on further, with “What do you know about music, to have such an audacity?.. Come on, show me your talent, if any? Sing a song right now!”.. And this went on, till our Govind jee had no escape but to sing... He sang. And he did it with 'all he knew' about how to sing a song... He sang the same song in 6 different time-scales (that was what earned a title to him as 'Shat-Kaala-Govinda Marar)... There was no 'media-effect' like now, and once a person crosses a wide river in those days, he is a complete stranger on the other banks!.. Our 'saint' could not hold back the flood of tears that rolled down his eyes, when he realised at once the 'potential' of this frail-looking, ill-clad humble man standing before him!.. The emotion of reverence deepened far-beyond his own ability to contain it... and the result was... what we hear today as the 'most' revered one, out of the famous 'pancha-Ratna-Kritis' during the annual aaraadhana day of the saint at Tiruvayaru every year... “Numerous great beings there are... and I bow to all of them” is the meaning of the opening sentences of that song! (“Endaro mahaanu bhaavulu..”... A foreigner's “John Higgins” was the voice which I heard first when I got introduced to this song!... The language is Telugu, as is the Kritis of this composer, Saint Tyagaraja)...

What I could not really manage (even to contain it)was when I discovered the 'possibility' that ... there could be several of 'unearthly beings' ... who devoted their entire-selves, to keep running after me, all the time (time, beyond the cosmic sense, of course, since they are not confined within material matter), and I do not even 'feel' their presence all along.. only then, to even 'think' of full-utilisation of their 'unconditional dedication for a 'meagre' like me! What about pay-back?.. Trillion-dollar-question?.... More than that! But, even logically, is not the whole of this universe, collectively and aggregately sustaining us? If nothing else? Minus a few planets around, was it okay for us? Hey, the greenery of small park near our colony was adjudicated by High court recently, and upheld by Supreme court , as 'lung space' for the dwellers nearby! Supply of fresh oxygen as their exhalation, the plants! If that is the case, what about our co-habitants, who might... helplessly-even.... copy paste some junk material from somewhere into a blog, in all innocence... thinking that we are badly in need of that oft-repeated-rant? Oh! I guess, I mixed up issues a 'little-too-much' (a paradox in words even like in Hindi too...'thoda-jyaada hi ho gaya shaayad!).

Potentially yours,

psn (25th November, 2014)