How to deserve
In my experience, there are no exact answers for “how to deserve”.
I don't know how or why I got into this “troublesome nuisance” of trying to find out “how to deserve” even when I was just a kid. 😥🙏 ( Seldom, we find even grown up’s trying to bother about it when they enjoy something they never deserved!)
I saw a TV serial episode yesterday. The heroine ( an orphan) was given the status of an eldest child by a generous character. She tells the hero “just because I am given all the rights and privileges as a daughter, is it not my duty to remember that I never deserved it, being an orphan? That's the only way I can make sure that I never abuse, exploit, misuse the status of ”daughter” donated to me🙏” ( I felt a ‘bit' joyed! At least, this “deserve bijness” comes in a fictional story, if not in real life!
I always tried to deserve
1.my birth in irreligious Hinduism.
2.the English medium school run by Roman catholic “brothers” who managed it without a ‘salary’
3. The society which got itself “civilized” over thousands of years, evolving through millenniums & generations ( a protected atmosphere, instead of a wild forest like deep African jungles unexplored by mankind 😭)
4. The independence donated by my previous generations, sacrificing their lives before completing their youth_age🙏
5.The drivers in the road traffic, who routinely drive their vehicles with care to apply brakes, even when I come into their way ignorantly/carelessly.
6. The ‘natures scavenger ‘( like a crow) which cleans the hazardous bio-waste of dead creatures around my home, street etc.
7. ( Long list)
The only thing I need not bother to ensure whether I deserved it or not is…. Spiritual growth 😜. Stringent rules! Unless I deserve it, the ultimate human possibility WILL_NOT happen to me 🙏👍👍. And its converse is more_true! If & when I deserve it, nothing would stop it happening😜🙏
This “deserving” business, had its side effects 😓. Any gift, charity, help, etc bestowed on me, whether as their duty( like parental duty, like contractual monetary obligation of salary, etc) or….a voluntary unconditional act, both of these remind me to deserve it afresh, each time. Another sad side_effect is, I tend to forget my “rights”, my “freedom”, my “independence” etc too often😭. Only an extreme situation forces me to think of my_freedom, my_rights. I don't deserve subsidy, so I opted a white ration card (zero commodities). I gave up LPG subsidy, because I don't deserve to eat tax_payers paisa…..
A jailor inspires me, when I think of his_freedom 😜. A prisoner set free, grants freedom to his jailor too!😜. Jailor gets FULL freedom( from his_prisioners) only when he retires. Parents get freedom only when they die🙏
Between a jailor & his prisoner getting a fatal heart_attack, that prisoner is better_fortunate😜 ….. The Jailor authorities might question a jailor, but never a prisoner “why did he die in captivity?” 😥
Un_DeservinglyYours,
psn(1 Jan 2026)
