ReAssurance

 Reassurance 

I would never have dreamt of sharing this personal experience of mine.

Even now, I am almost sure, that this piece is not going to be of any ‘value addition’ to a reader🙏

But, we all seek some kind of re-assurance, sometime or other, not even knowing wherefrom, how or when it is going to come?

I discovered even when I was just a kid, that I am a very odd type, when too many people around concurred about the oddities in me. The tone and presentation assumed a shape, to make it seem like an abnormality ( instead of ‘oddity’). This, added to the uncertainty about my finding any kind of ‘reassurance’ about my oddities.

I was asked to ‘pray’ at a temple. I could not. ( An odd argument stood in my way🙏. I could neither compromise with my_argument, nor could I think of ‘articulating’ it to those who asked me to pray 🙏.   Everyone prayed, so no scope to question them. But no answer either, to my silly koschans to myself, like “if….God has the 3 C’s as they say/glorify about God, omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent, why should He wait for me to pray for granting me his charity?”)

I didn't get angry at someone doing something ‘wrong’ unto me. This was a very serious abnormality 🙏. A psychiatric disorder. Often, I get beaten up for a mischief I never did😜🤣… ( reason is, an unskilled thief, criminal gets huge popularity than a perfect one. Obviously, most crimes get attributed to the imperfect fool who gets caught too often.).  I was harmless in my mischiefs. So, I didn't try to ‘hide’ it. The ‘label’ became like an engraved title. My defect was, I used to ‘attribute’ the nature of inflicting a punishment on me, as something like ‘that is how they are!”. An ant bites, mosquito bites, scorpion stings. This elder too is of this_nature🙏…  The off-shoot of this defective way was, I don't wail, complain, protest, etc when a punishment causes injury. I don't feel ‘hurt’. Pain is very much there🙏

Perspectives differed with each individual. I was bogged by the element of “Vismay” ( wonderment, in English) at this difference in perspective 😥. Can't ask anyone about it. No idea, how to coin/frame the words, to articulate or convey my query, “why do perspectives differ with each Elder??”

1992 . I attended a spiritual program . “An Art of EFFORTLESS Living”.  The teacher suggested a list of how to deal with situations ( the mind_related aspect of it.). Once the way we ‘perceive’ a situation gets fixed in a way compatible with cosmic laws, everything else about ‘how to Live’ falls in place 😜.  Almost like some miracle! One piece of a jigsaw puzzles placed correctly and 99 other pieces just fall into its right place by itself!😳😳… 

My experience of this program was : “Hey! I had been all_along, only_this_way…!!! . The joke is, everyone around looked at me, as if I am a bit abnormal!. And now, here is somebody ‘enlightened’, who is “re-assuring” me, that I am abnormally-NORMAL!!!”

The tools and techniques attached to this program, felt like a ‘natural' thing to do as a routine! Like, we breathe naturally, isn't it? No conscious effort needed🙏😥

The best part of this program ( my oddity again, of course), was…. the ‘seeking’ on the outside receded. It grew inwards.  The money I used to spend on travel, as a part of this ‘seeking', started to get accumulated. 😜.  I didn't have to ‘save’ for the rainy day, CONSCIOUSLY 🙏. My old age is reassured financially, since I live quite ‘normally’ like other life-forms—- a need_based spending, not a wants/desire based squandering 😜.  If someone criticises me, either I will have to rectify a wrong in me with gratitude or…. it's the ‘nature' of the other to criticize me without any reason 😜🙏

See, I had already mentioned a disclaimer “no value addition” for a reader. Just a write up, about an odd, freak co_human 😜🙏

Oddly yours,

psn(28 Nov 2025)

A joke:  there was an odd colleague who ‘loved’ to sit next to me for 6½ hours daily. His request “give me any seat next to PSN, wherever he is seated, (as a part of rotation of duties excercise every 6 months ), or ….give me any seat, and allocate the next seat beside to PSN, which he too won't mind”

He used to steal my work ( vouchers I post in ledgers).  I too started stealing his work. Then he used to lock his table-drawer, while going for lunch/restRoom. The boss mocked:”locking your purse?”. And he took out his wallet, placing it on the table, said “not worried about my money. I can leave it here in the open. I lock my vouchers🙏. PSN steals it😭”. Boss stared at me😳. I shot back:”Sir, he started this stealing bijness. He steals. I merely responded. He locks. But I don't 🙏”

This colleague proved to be an oddity🙏. Like this proverb “fools rush in where the angels fear to tread!” Angels around avoid me, a freak. This dear_fool of mine, hovered around me, very Foolishly 🙏🙏🙏