“When I decided not to
carry my sword anymore....
I did not know that even
the sight of an empty scabbard with the other might scare me!”
(The embellishment in that
quote is mine... the concept, from among many possible sources,
probably my own genes even!)
Hidden fear.... (not the
'latent' fear, is why I was trying to speak of, among so many forms
of fear, manifest, and unmanifested ones!)...
Hidden by us, for us, and
of us.... We are aware, we have hidden the fear of the possibility
of....
our likelihood of
confronting somebody, when we try to counter somebody, consciously...
Encounters are another
inevitable possibility....
Not to speak of our own
episodes of 'fake-encounters' that we indulge into, with our own
spouse, by a prior-mutual-consent, when the mutual agreement with the
spouse is about the kid, who is all 'fear' only right now, and cannot
sustain our scoldings directed straight towards them, and yet the
need to deter them from doing something is too urgent (either we have
no time to 'educate'... or the kid is too young to know our
language.... I do not discount the intelligence of a kid any time,
ever!). Please see, this domestic fake-encounter too, is due to a unique kind of fear... the emotional apprehension of losing the
emotional trust of that kid into us, 'yet again'!!!
...
Was it the hidden fear, in
me, which held me back at times, from countering an arguement
presented by others?... Did I fear that person, or just
'for-that-person'?... Or was it sheer fatigue (an age related
problem usually), when the mind is tired of having countered for so
many years, for right reasons and wrong ones too? The mind feels
tired perhaps? The energy spent for countering somebody, though a
thought process, drains the energy a lot more times than when dealing
with a receptive mind, which agrees to walk-together, not necessarily
agreeing with everything and anything, but willing to see together,
with an open mind, saying 'maybe... let me see'!
Spirituality ki
shuruvaat-ne-hi... nikkamma banaa diya hai psn,
Varnaa hum bhi kabhi thae
aadmi, ladaakhu janwar jaise .... !!!
( a couplet, crudely
adapted from the famous one... “Ishk ne nikkamma kar diya hai
Galib...”)
psn(27th May,
2013)
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