Messy Mess-up

I did enjoy reading one of meanings each, of these two words, 'messy' and 'mess-up'.....

Messy = Unpleasantly difficult to settle or resolve

Mess-up = something badly botched or muddled

I had looked it up at 'thefreedictionary dot com ....

I felt a deep compassion towards some of my fellow seekers(during my days of 'volunteering' while I was engaged with ancient spiritual practices, modified to suit the present-day-mind, and thus evolved into newer-form-of-techniques), ... when I saw that they were struggling to get into a groove, to get a feel , a glimpse... of that 'meditative state' after which the very practice turns into an abundant source of inspiration!

Only then on, I paid adequate attention to people around me who frequently used to utter certain 'standard-phrases' in certain situations, where their desire for a 'positive-result' turns into a sort-of-anxiety (the 'mind' even thinks of this as a very-positive-anxiety... A few modern-Mom's provide themselves of such 'commendable/appreciable anxiety' when they try to 'bring-up' their children 'well'...!! And the kid wonders, 'am I going to have a stunted growth, especially that vertical-growth... if not for my 'mom's anxiety-syndrome' that puts me off so badly, so often?')...

“ Oh! I must succeed “... (still-worse: “ I must somehow succeed”... here the anxiety level is breaking the check-dams!)

“I must not 'mess-up' this event , and so, I must keep my 'sporadic-anger' in a check! (still worse: “ I must not become 'over-anxious' about the 'smooth' conduct of this event.. Little realising, that this “I must not become 'over-anxious'.. this 'over anxiety' is sought-to-be curbed 'only-with' an 'over-dose' of further over-anxiety!

Exam-scores-chasing-kids, would keep chanting, 'I must do well in the exam'... 'I must remember this chapter/key-words/ to 'somehow' impress the evaluator of the exam paper that 'I-do-now' this concept quite well'... (here the 'chant' ... effectively.... interrupts the 'committing-to-memory' that jargon, that un-understood, and 'yet-important' .. 'portion'.. the tick-mark, the underlining mark, the inverted commas.. is all that they manage to remember at the exam-hall, not the contents!)...

I wonder, how this 'pre-emptive-strike' by this 'positive-anxiety' is going to be countered, especially when it is about the other-person's anxiety, which is now-my-anxiety!!! All I end up doing is ... further messing-up the already-mess-up ... messy-mess-up of that other messy person!!! (It took a very long time to even understand/grasp the 'oddity' of the strange, and seemingly-untimely-comment of the teacher, when he suddenly/abruptly walked out of a meditative session , saying “Sometimes, my very presence would feel oppressive to you... so I leave this place 'physically' for a while now”...!!! I could not 'feel' the absence even!...

For us commoners, that implicit trust is a simple, handy and easy tool, to get started with, to handle this 'positive-anxiety-syndrome' (my guess!).. But again, this trust itself is an 'already-messed-up' concept, to-our/in-our understanding!!!

Under-standing-ly yours,

psn(4th July, 2014)

post script: I am a 'tube-light' perhaps! I realised a bit late, the 'deeper implication' (that positive-anxiety-syndrome's concept), though , right in my school, my English teacher quoted a saying “ I spoiled my own health, drinking to 'other's health' too often”!! There is a tradition of drinking a 'toast' with 'cheers' ... ( I was busy thinking about 'bread-toast' perhaps! English-teacher, grammar-classes, nounform, verb form mix-up/mess-up!).