The art of lamenting

Somehow, it has taken the shape of an art...

Hitherto, it was just a profession (Rudaali), not a specialisation, or not even a skill....

It was there growing slowly, silently like some virus pervading across the society, but I never really had a chance to take a serious note of it, till it became a 'whole-sale-chorus' during the exodus of employees when they were offered a golden handshake in the Banking industry, to reduce the flab! Suddenly the left-over ones had to insulate themselves from over-exploitation (no help is going to come overnight to share the work, nor is the work going to vanish overnight... and there was that torturous unfamiliarity with the computer-key-board..... there was a brief period when just the keyboards required replacement at an abnormal rate!)... slowly people 'came to terms' with the harsh reality, but the lamenting had come to stay, and it got itself perfected into an art-form too!

Otherwise, we find it quite commonly where ever there is a trust-deficit in one form or other... The 'most commented' .... yeah! Like 'speaking tree', there is a lameting-tree too, where the 'most commented' prize is shared between a mother-in-law versus daughter-in-law! At other places, it is usually a preemptive strike, to start the 'aalaap' of lamenting first, to avoid any responsibility or fault fixing.... Most people confuse between fixing of fault, responsibility and accountability, even though no recourse is sought!

Quite surprisingly, children pick it up almost with no formal training.... I recall a kid, who used to always lament about lack of 'good' clothes to wear... The dad was a very resourceful and intelligent person though he doted on that kid out of his own 'special attachment' for the kid... But, when this complaint of lack of good clothes became a little too much, he decided to expose the kid... He suddenly announced to the kid “Oh! Actually I had planned to take you along on a holiday for few days, along with my office colleagues and their families... but since you do not have adquate change of 'good-clothes', you may as well stay back, and we will see the next time”.... Abruptly this kid turned the record-plate on the gramaphone player upside down, and played a totally different tune... 'Dad, I think I can manage just enough clothes for this trip... let me see, ...” and then rushed to dig out all those 'safely-tucked-away' shining and new clothes out, counted them, packed them convincingly too!

Now comes the 'hard-to-digest' part of it... Please see, those who lament, are they capable of experiencing love? Can lamenting and love go together please?.... For that matter, even that gratitude does not come to the equal measure of a love, when it comes to real-deep-experience! If we look closely enough, they are quite opposite.... Love only gives... gratitude is after-effect of receiving, not giving.... Love gives unconditionally.... (that 'gives' is manifested only if the situation warrants... A soldier does not give up his life during peace time... please!)... If this seems acceptable, then, how can a child, a girl-child especially, love her mother? I happened to ask this to a young girl recently.... 'do you love your mother?'... 'YES!' was the emphatic reply.... I had to gently and slowly ask the next set of questions.. 'since when did you love your mom?'... 'surely not at the age of 3 months?'..... 'NO', agreed that girl... .... 'when was the first time you experience love for your mom? ' ...'maybe when I felt that gratitude clearly...' she tried, as an alternative.... That is where I had to seek clarity between 'gratitude' as a response to receiving, and 'giving' as a manifest form of 'love as an experience' ....

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Now, this 'experience' of love is often so deep, and a non-verbal form of thought process, that most people miss this feeling-of-the-experience .... something like, when we have that malarial fever, we feel the fan air more severely despite the mid-day-of-peak-summer, than when we are normal! I don't know, but that 'giving' might have been an important aspect.... otherwise, the students of ancient gurukula might not have been asked to serve their guru, doing simple tasks for him... otherwise, some of the present day yoga-teachers might not have insisted for 'volunteering' as a 'part' of spiritual practices, for quick progress... A typical young girl steps into mother-in-laws pitch, from the home-pitch, without any practice of 'giving', and expects to be shown some gratitude at least, if not love, by that mother-in-law.... this mother-in-law has nothing to give to her daughter-in-law, except a few words ... words-used-for-love.... and the daughter-in-law is not that ready to 'give' any service, help, etc unconditionally! (I wonder, if that joint-family-system, took care of that home-pitch-training of giving, when the girl became a 'didi' to several younger brothers/sisters/cousins of all ages... the mothers of those children, under the same roof, may not be able to take care of all of them ... and this elder-sister, 'didi' is almost a mother! )....

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Trust and love are said to be two sides of the same coin.... that unconditional love offers trust too, with 'no-questions-asked'... so it might stand the litmus test... Mothers do have the capability to experience love, if they are ready to choose to be 'aware' (dropping that lamenting-act, of course)... right from the time the kid dwells in her womb... more the awareness, deeper the experience of love... deeper the love, lesser the sorrow of parting later on, when the daughter becomes an 'in-law' or when the son expands into greater dimension of a very deep reciprocation of love with gratitude, and lays down his life for his mother-land!

psn(16^th April, 2012)