Open secret of Joint Family

 Open secret of Joint Family

Somehow, I feel   usually emphatic about this blog.
I feel like 'not to bother about any concurrence from any reader'. Not an ideal thought. Not a healthy sign for a blogger 😓

But, I am genuinely receptive to any well considered disagreement with my views, to ensure that I keep my learning curve vertical, not horizontally flat alongside aging 😜


Reverence towards well-deserved-Elderliness (not related to age) was the only factor that sustained a Large family.
We coined the word "Joint" family, only when families broke/shrunk. Otherwise, the "Large" had a wider scope of inclusiveness without bounds 🤣Not just a joint-family within blood-relatives. Almost any reverential person around was considered+treated as a part of one's own family! 

My personal experience:  In 1967, a huge number of uninvited villagers congregated themselves at a private ritual conducted for-me. The formal invitees were less than 20% . The ritual itself, (I realised only-decades later,) is supposed to be the most important one in my life! But the by-product was of no lesser significance, in as much as that, it opened my eyes to a mega manifestation/display of 'what a Large family used to 'look like'(not exactly "was") in the ancient days !!!!"  The body language of the elders of the village looked like 'they were all a part of my/our household itself'. Their activities assumed an air of "we are privileged to do our part in this ritual". Much to the surprise(and a little disappointment too) of the 'elders in our family', my dad ordered me to present the token-fee of Rs5/- to the entire gang of local musicians who rendered a highly-charged emotional performance on their musical instruments(mind you, quite un-solicited) for an hour during the auspicious chant-hours.  I cheerfully obeyed my dad's instructions, in prostrating fully before the chief musician, before submitting the 5 rupee note with the traditional betel leaves and areca nut. That man was in tears of gratitude at this unexpected display of reverence from a freshly initiated-lad of just 13 !

I realised experientially, the distinction between eastern(Bharat) culture and western(modern) culture. Ours 'was' a reverential culture. Theirs 'is' a freedom culture. We have adopted theirs, forsaking ours. Reverence, obviates the need to look for freedom and independence. From a distance, reverence and slavery 'look-alike' 😉 Can't help!

Emphatically yours,
psn(26 Feb, 2026)

Merit and competence

 

Merit and competence

One of the few pairs of words about which, we seem to have clarity about their distinction, and yet we miss the distinction during its application.

“I do not know what merits I had earned, in my past life, to deserve so much of love/comforts/wealth/prosperity/etc, in this life time !” A few humble souls express thus, when they feel gratitude for something they received, without working for it. The choice of word is ‘merit’ and not competence. So, merit is earned from others, where as competence is acquired, at the minimal requirement level.

A very meritorious youth, with a gold medal in academics, meets disappointment when he himself discovers that he lacks competence to handle a routine situation at the workplace, which is so-effortlessly handled by a fellow who got the same qualification with barely just-pass-marks. Merit was ‘official recognition’ accorded by competent authorities in the academia!!! Then, what went wrong??? Probably, the criteria for ‘merit’ lacked something that missed to ensure a minimal competence required at the workplace, where the work is related to the same professional qualification. (we are not trying to plug loopholes in our ‘system’ here. We are merely trying to attempt a ‘clarity’ between the two, which will help us to function better in our routine life personally and individually).

In rare few professions, where competence is crucial to survival, we are clever to ensure competence. For instance, in armed forces, even a barber, a sweeper, or a driver, needs some basic training to handle a simple rifle or a gun, at least to save himself, when he becomes the sole survivor of an infiltrated attack by the soldiers from the other side. Minimum competence is ensured. Merit is when a soldier gets decorated with war medals, for a performance far exceeding the highest levels of ‘competence’ expected from a soldier. A doctor, given a job, without adequate competence, ends up granting ‘moksha’ to more number of patients than his meritorious counterpart, but only in the form of a clinical death, and nothing to do with the ‘spirit’. We need to re-calibrate our norms while diluting the levels of competence for certain jobs, in our laws!

Ability or capability is just a potential which could be latent and untapped as yet. Competence is often evaluated by a parameter/yardstick, when incompetence is likely to cause any disruption to any routine affecting any person/s. That is why the ‘competence’ gets stripped off during the period of ‘suspension’ of a Cop! His abilities/capabilities remain intact. But competence to deploy it is denied by the civilian norms.

I was wondering about these terms ‘competence’ and ‘merit’ in relation to my personal and private arena of pursuit. Spirituality !
A story, I heard.... Once, Aadi Shankara told his disciples “assemble for an important lesson today”. Every disciple eagerly made it to the classroom, excitedly waiting for that ‘important’ lesson. But the teacher, AadiShankara, seemed to be still waiting for ‘somebody’. Everybody grew curious! Who is he waiting for? We all are here. Nobody is missing. Then whom-for is he waiting ? Then suddenly, looking out of the small window, a lad appeared, picking a few flowers for the next worship/Puja, from the front-yard a little away. Shankara kept looking at that flower-picker. One of the disciples remarked to the teacher “Sir, he is just an idiot meant to be used to do only odd jobs like picking flowers, sweeping, cleaning, fetching water etc. Why wait for him? He isn’t capable of understanding the lessons taught to us. Incompetent. (and so on)” But Shankara shot a side glance at that humble lad, with a spiritual war-head mounted on that ‘glance’. At once that lad ‘attained’ a coveted state of lighting_up of his intellect, and he started singing a praise for his Guru, (famous verse ‘thotaka-Ashtakam’ I guess), and prostrated to his Guru, Aadi Shankara with deep gratitude and reverence ! Merits of that lad’s past life was accorded due recognition by the Guru, and the parameters of ability, capacity, or competence was bypassed by the guru, in granting a spiritual attainment. (I have a personal experience of having performed a spiritual practice, without any prior practice!.  I fetched the first levels of results the very first day!. Traditionally, this practice is said to require some 22 years, including a whole set of other rigorous practices, as a preparation for this one. A combo of 2 mudras, and 1 kriya! This experience compelled me to concede that there is indeed a past life, and even a carry-forwards of its merits, by the spirit, waiting for a 'mind' to utilise it at the physical and material level of this world . I would therefore recommend to await an experience without blindly conceding or negating the theory about any past/future lives!)

Incompetence, inabiltiy, disability, incapacitatedness, etc had no relevance for spiritual evolvement. These qualities are relevant only for material world. Yet, these very qualities, if put to use by us to the best of our abilities, would fetch us a ‘merit’ enough to deserve the highest human possibility, which is a spiritual attainment. To me, it appears, that there are not water-tight compartments between these distinct words. Doing my very best, always, leads me quite naturally, climbing on the ladder of heirarchy, towards the highest merits. Maybe over a few lifetimes!

Incompetently yours,

psn(26 Feb, 2026)

Serious Fun

 A viral video clip.

A joke, using most popular questions asked to celebrities!

I too forwarded it, being amazed by the answers, because I too had ‘evaded’ these questions thrust on to me by ‘elders,’ with their ‘preachy_stuff’ 😜

Teach the ‘basics’ of ‘life_itself’ to a kid and he won't need these fanciful things like “big dream, big problems, big secrets, big plans, best hobbies, and most importantly a  “thought” for motivation” 😜😜😜

( Do I need these, to “live” sensibly? Intellect is far more powerful than a dream, problem, secret_gimmick, future plan, stupid hobby, or getting stuck into a ‘thought’ in the name of “motivating thoughts”.  Humans are ‘endowed’ with a huge potential to stay at the peak levels of intellect 🙏. Our epic story of krishna, in Mahabharat, shows how a Yogi like krishna goes through all kinds of situations in life, and yet stays untouched by any of those! His advice, the Song_Divine, bhagavadgita, is enough to reach the highest human POSSIBILITY 🙏. )

The joke:

1).what's your BIGGEST dream?

Answer: my biggest dream is to dream big

2).What's your biggest problem?

Answer: my biggest problem is to know what's my problem 

3)what is the secret of  success?

Answer: secret of success is a big secret 

4)do you have a specific future plan?

Answer: my future plan is to plan my future 

5)What is your favourite hobby?

Answer: my favourite hobby is to decide my hobby!

6) what do you do to stay motivated?

Answer : I motivate myself to stay motivated 

My response to this joke: 

It was for "fun".

Apparently, it looks like, he is missing his priorities, in trying to hoodwink the very tools/aids/questions which helps a person to set the priorities right.

But inadvertently, his answers seem to sync with the basics of spirituality 😜

Look again and see where it would take him if he seriously implemented his replies 🤣

( I never got caught up with any of these questions asked to this fellow 😜. Yet, I think I didn't miss the priorities either👍)

Blankly yours,

psn (25 Feb, 2026)

Paa into paa

 Paa into paa

A classroom joke in my school days 🙏😂

“Paa into paa” the teacher was dictating the “principle” in physics 😓

Desi kids 🙏

Not familiar with phoren accent, not Equipped with the ‘embedded’ software as an interface to decrypt the accent and Reach the correct word “power” 😭

A kid thought ‘aloud’ by mistake 😓

He uttered “ paa into paa????”( his TONE was conveying his ‘bewilderment’ 🙏🥵)

Teacher “😡😡😡😡”( stern look, with a perceptible pause in her dictaShun! 

We all laughed. Teacher now angry square (anger²).

Physics….. fulcrum…..

“Power X powerArm = Load X loadArm” that's all 🙏

Galileo: “give me a fulcrum long enough, and I shall LIFT the Warald/world👍” ( figuratively an example to afford easy_learning of Concept involved 😓.  “Power required to lift a load, on a fulcrum is INVERSELY proportional to the length of the power arm.”( interpretation of laaa/law)!

That teacher was ‘highly’ kwaliFied, compared to several other aged ones. Ironically, we kids had a better reason to revere those humbal/humble elders a bit more😓( buzurGee/elderliNess). That, was the bone of contention 🙏

Jocularly yours,

psn(24 Feb, 2026)

How we Misconstrue

 Even what I propose to narrate hereinafter maybe my own mis-construed grasp 😜

Only certain "abstract concepts" can be classified as bug_free ( construed correctly)

Looking at my life thus_far, I feel that I was unduly fortunate, in progressing so well on the spiritual path( to whatever extent I managed).

Such progress is vulnerable to misconstruing that others too should have found such progress to be easy 😳

Then, the karma theory rescued me 🙏 ( I might have slogged in my far past 😓, and am just lucky that I didn't fritter away the advantage)

It's like this 

NASA has managed building a huge enclosure with "zero gravity" inside, for training purposes. Suppose I am a tiny ant, trapped inside it, with  thinking-abilities like we humans 😜....  Am I not going to misconstrue, looking through the glass window of that cubicle, and wonder 🤔 " why are the humans and even ants etc like me struggling to 'move about'???". I have no idea that I am enjoying zero_gravity, being born and brought up inside this lab( with zero gravity). I am able to move, fly etc effortlessly. Others, outside the glass_window, I can see struggling to even walk 😳.  I don't know what zero-gravity is, because I wasn't exposed to 'gravity' 😜.

Lesson for me = never take ("easy"/for granted,)things to be easy/taken lightly . Human birth is a great blessing! I managed to overtake millions of sperms racing against me, to reach my mom's womb, to get the first+only_prize of a human body 🙏. Make the most out of it, in the tiny speck of time(relative to the life span of this universe), allotted to me 🙏

Gratefully yours, 

psn(23rd Feb, 2026)

The_why, of my_roots!

 A controversial re-discovery, that I hail from a lineage of traditional beggars 😜🙏

Therefore, I would rather try to confine this blog to a narrative of FIRST_person narrative only ( me, mine, I myself, pertains to only_me…etc 🙏).

Rituals, traditions and practices that happened with me, like anyone born into the cluster of human samples that I be’long into, raised serious doubts in ME_only.

After a huge pomp & show, I was initiated into the greatest maantric_chant, called ‘Gayatri’ . The irony was, I discovered to my utter surprise that whenEver I try to chant this, after a preceding INVOCATIONAL chants, it is no more a mantra😂. It assumes a much higher ‘form’( evidence is glaringly available right_within that invocation_chant, but…. today's high_speed mind has ‘no_time’ to bother about such trivial matters🙏😜😜).

What baffled me was….

The first thing I was asked to ‘do’ immediately after the-most auspicious occasion of my life ( dwija_fication) was, to_beg_for_my_food 😳  (a humiliation, which escaped the ‘notice' even….owing to the photo_sessions during it, and the abandonment of this huge ‘lesson’ soon after the show_bijness is over👍. Back to normal egoistic composture 🙏).

In the ancient days, that_begging was realistic!!!  Not to be abandoned like today👍

Why did the most literate, most intelligent, most self_disciplined fellows in a society have_to_BEG for food???(The fuel for seeking an answer to this strange doubt was….. this damn practice sustained for thousands of years 😳. Several generations cannot be stupid enough to perpetuate an idiosyncrasy 😜).

It took decades for me to re-discover 🙏.

How else do I retain in my surface level awareness, of the deep interdependence I am bonded into with everything and everyone around??? 

How to be damn sure of the interdependence?( Tougher question)

How to make this ‘idea’ into a sustainable thing( ideas can be reversed, forgotten, opaqued, obliterated etc)

A stable living experience of the VERY root of this deepest level of interdependence 🙏 is_a_must👍, therefore!!!

Not an easy task, I was to discover, during this journey on a “pathless_path” (spirituality! Yes, even logically, the ‘thing’ that is ‘ticking’ in this piece of flesh_called_me, is the spirit within 😳, by whatever name 🙏. Spirit—->spirituality.).

Then it dawned on me.

The 4 MahaVakyas 😜 

Declaratory truths!

Accept it or throw it away 👍… the truth isn't dependent on my subscription, patronage, acceptance etc! ( I can be_with that truth, or deny myself the bliss, and suffer a hell created by my own negation of these truths, for innumerable lifetimes 😜).

Until the experience of the first truth gets STABILISED, after its first peek look/glimpse that ‘it’ reveals into me, inside me, within me…how else can I pursue for its Experiential_permanence,  except by using the simplest tool? That tool is simple but not easy🙏. Begging 😜. It keeps reminding me in_real_time, that I am interdependent with this Universe😔( Vasudaiva kutumbakam). I give my everything in return for that one_meal, every time I am ‘genuinely’ hungry😜. (Everything includes the_most precious of my possessions. Why ‘google_search’ with too many possessions? Just my brain_power will do👍🙏. Possess nothing! Beg for food.)

The best plus point is….. when I need to ‘beg’ even for food, I don't need any conscious effort to avoid ego! Humility is an INEVITABLE consequence, an incidental by_product( like cow_dung is a by product and a medicine, manure etc, when cow’s milk is the main purpose of rearing it🙏). Reverence from others around was ‘natural’ when they can “see” that this beggar(me) is begging only for his_food, whereas we beg for everything else from_him!!!!

Today, begging is a COGNIZABLE offence 🙏. So, I need to sophisticate it in order to make it inconspicous 😜, not to gain fame from sophistication 🤣.  That's another complication forced upon me due to today's social norms🙏. It makes my task more thrilling, like a ‘HURDLE’ race! Keep jumping over the damn hurdle, and yet run fast!!!

Anyway, I am now more_or_less settled into what I want to do for the rest of my life👍… Choicelessness is the only_freedom!(A tool, for solving the puzzle of Enlightenment 😜. My blog “the most prized question” might convince a reader, as to how deeply puzzling is this enlightenment bijness😔. A NASA scientist, with degrees running into 2 lines of alphabets, had asked it on Yahoo answers forum. That forum is gone. But I captured that awesome question into my blog🙏).

A beggar, yours,

psn(23 Feb, 2026).

Disclaimer:  any reference to any person living or dead, is unintentional, and irrelevant. I am the sole recipient of any hurt, injury( both are very different 😜) though caused by me🙏

A Yardstick to measure my_tolerance

 A Yardstick to measure my_tolerance levels.

( if it seems to be of …..‘a likely to be useful one' ….I can feel rewarded🙏)

A chance occurred for me to meet my school classmates, I missed meeting them  since 1969-70.

Obviously, I started wondering! 

We were kids from 5 years of age to 15/16.

We were ignorant of our innocence too 🤣( though it worked too well, to tolerate the eccentricities(नखरे) of each other 🙏)

Now, the distance between the other two points of two straight lines touching each other at one of its points ( an angle, we say in geometry) was small when we two were small straight lines 🤣. Now we elongated in 56 years to the extent that the open ends are far away from each other. The meeting point was in kindergarten only 🙏

1)Will I be able to transcend ( or at least keep aside for a little while) my_own_eccentricities when I meet them?

2)will their expanded/magnified eccentricities prevent them from tolerating “me”? Perhaps they use the memory of my_kid_age image they carried for 56 years and would have concluded “I was constrained to tolerate this fellow, since I was a kid, and couldn't get rid of him. But now I can decide for myself. Intolerance, by itself, towards this wretch is not a Cognizable Offence👍”

I can only try to become amenable to others. Keeping my eccentricities ( negative emotions) under control, so as to avoid causing a ‘needless’ inconvenience to my school mate🙏. 

I tried to conceptualise it. 

If I can manage to become a kid yet again, despite the emergence out of my ignorance ( of kid age), and find my friends tolerating me even now,  I am doing well, proportionately! ( Eccentricities multiply by itself. Tolerance is never a default_habit, though the attributes to any amenable person ‘seems’ to be his_habit 😜.  Just loosen a few nuts and bolts inside the ‘head’ of Mr Amenable, and we get to see a giant volcano which was sleeping for years!😜.

I also kept in my mind, “meeting old schoolmates is precious because it is a non-commercial, emotional and unconditional occasion to re-live the innocence of our kid_age, and hence, it is enough for me to stay within acceptable level of civilised social norms, and not bother about any_possible ego_problems crept into any others”

A useful Yardstick for measuring myself 🙏. I am not under any external constraints to tolerate the ‘other’ 👍.  And my tolerance is exclusive of how I handle the outside situation ( namely an old mate).

Of course, if I get stabilized in my emotions, to that extent, I obviate dependence on any Yardstick 😜

Tolerably yours,

psn(18 Feb 2026)

Post script:

A joke( but real)

School mates of LKG are like 'lab conditions' ( innocent kids).

About 8 years ago, the daughter of my niece lamented "my mother-in-law is so difficult to be satisfied 😓... However hard I try, she points out some non-existent error in my house keeping!"( She is a good girl, quite amenable, hardworking and non-complaining. With her husband, she is very happy! Kids well groomed)

I asked : "your husband's very close friend is your neighbour, isn't it?"

She :"of course! They are neighbours because of friendship, not due to convenience 😳"

Me: "that friend's mom.... Complaints about her bahu?( d-in-law)"

She:" yes! Always. But she likes me very much! So tells me everything 😂"

Me :" okay! Now tell me, does your mother in law like that friend's wife?"

She : " oh yes!  Very much! My mom-in-law even tells that girl against me😓"

Me:" do you not see the root of the problem? The 'role' assigned to those 2 elderly women? ... They are supposed to play 'villain/vamp' to their own bahu😜(d-in-law)!...  So nothing wrong with any of the 4 ladies. The neighbour's mom likes you. Your m-in-law likes the friend's wife. Good friends!"

She :" oh God! 🥵... Never occurred to me 🙏. Right 👍"

Me:"just enjoy the rebukes! Only filter out the genuine criticisms, rectify with deep gratitude. Inwardly applaud the 'role'! Not easy to play a villain role so well, that too in real life!"

( Now that old lady is no more. But fewer bickerings thereafter 😜)

Care of oldie parents

 A few messages are viral. Cooked up stories of "busy, rich, migrated " children realising that they missed to "give back the care, love and affection" to their parents. The "timing" of realisation is dramatised...... "funeral"...😜🙏

Indeed a few adult children do_get_moved, and might even resolve to "make-amends" ( or whatever). But such emotions aren't going to last 😂.

I thought, let me "risk" a disrepute ( inviting criticism) from most ones around, especially oldies 😜🙏....but, I seek consolation in having 'tried' to revive the lost glory of ancient desi tradition.

I copy paste my reply I tried to 'compose'in reply to that 'forward. I changed my mind and decided to blog it, without sugar coating it 🙏

Most probably just a fictional story. ( That viral story) 

Our ancients NEVER subscribed to such emotions ( seeking or persuading gratitude from children 😂).

This, ...if I speak aloud today, I would only invite disrepute unto myself 🙏😜

Vaanaprastha is the easiest evidence.

Strongest evidence is, even today, no animal, bird, etc 'takes care of its aged parents'. Not in the 'scheme' of things.

Reverence towards elders got replaced with taking care of physical infirmities in aged 'fools'. An act of empathy, deterioration into sympathy. Over a period of time, sympathy became a 'right' in the corrupt minds of aged fools, like we got used to 'freebies' from govt as a right, not ex-gratia 😂.

Now, the assertiveness nurtured an ill will, and paved the way for "old age homes"🙏😜

Being in a particular way, deserving it due to being_so, and getting the due therefore (care, respect being incidental to Reverence 🙏)

Got reversed .

Wanting a payback for emotional love, demanding it as a right,  as a return for investment..... fetched only 'materialistic_compensation' since Reverence & love cannot be mandated by enactment 😜

Honestly yours,

psn(21 Feb 2026)

Postscript Punch : Think/visualise oneself to be deserving "Reverence '.... Care, respectfully is during lifetime & seeking of blessings will be during shraadha_ceremoney for a 100% experiential reason 😜( if visualising seems to convince, then strive to deserve Reverence. By-product do not work as the main purpose of a factory 😜

Our cache memory

 🤣

Suppose I happen to write something that looks like "yep! Worth using this piece of suggestion 👍"

After 5 years, if I repeat this again you will appreciate+ forget it again ( what we felt as 'yes! It's so true' 😜

And, of late, preachy stuff is causing indigestion, nausea and we even vomit, by "forwarding" 😜( CopyPaste & forward is serving the purpose of "ah! I got rid of it 👍....now I can forget it")

At a 13 day yoga program, the teacher delivered 'lecture' for 2 hours daily. Each word was designed very carefully, sequenced like a software meant to last a lifetime, and bug free🙏. Participants forgot it the very-next-day,  by replacing it with that-day's fresh stuff.  (After 6 months, I casually cross-check with a fresher "do you set the 4 conditions of Pranayam daily?" And he stares back, asking "Whhat?.... Only for meditation we were told 4 conditions to be set isn't?  Was it there even for pranayams???". And I start all_over_again 😜)

If I 'really' am able to accept something, why am I not able to retain it in my cache memory?( I don't keep chanting my own name and mobile number. But, it there in the cache_memory and when a 'gourmet_aafeesar'/govtOfficer asks, I chant it by 'default' 👍🙏...

A gadget has a limited cache memory. But ours is expandable! 🤣

Don't I want to be guided by life sustaining basic values?

Coast guard guys in cold countries are trained to get a phrase "keep swimming" into their muscle memory 🙏. Life saving Chant 😔.  Hypothermia sets in when they try to rescue a drowning civilian in freezing sea water. The organ brain doesn't work. Muscle memory works. Last few thoughts of last 15 minutes keeps repeating in a loop, like our compu-Server when 'hanged'. Swimming helps survival, not-inaction/no-response!

 The moment I sight a junk_food meant for me to eat, I need to be guided by cache memory "junk....just taste it, not fill up the stomach with it. It gets absorbed better on a very_hungry/starving stomach, NOT when just_vacant/empty 😜"

Lest we forget to breathe, mother nature decided to make it an embedded software. But we misconstrued it as 'no need to remember that I should breathe' item, and we struggle to 'be aware that we are breathing' 🤣.  

Breath-awareness keeps slipping within nano_seconds. ( Why_the_hell should I be aware that I breathe??? Good koschan/question. Please ask a spiritual person, I ain't competent to explain, though I revere it🙏)

"What are you doing right now??"

Factual reply is "nothing, just idling"

Truth is: "I am breathing and I am contributing for greenery to survive 🙏 My exhalation is precious for their inhalation. It's botany 👍"

Cache memory is precious 🙏. I realised this, and asked my mind to make-space for basic values instead of negatives 🙏 

Basically yours,

psn(20 Feb 2026)