What is my nature?

 What is my nature?

😂

Perhaps, my earliest question, when I discovered an ‘ability' in myself to ‘ask’ 😜.

I was too small inside my brain to process such a comprehensive question, and therefore I probably ended up with another easier question “why am I unable to answer this question?”.  The easier question stayed, even to keep reminding me of the tougher one 😂

My humble guess was…. other kids were “saved” from giving_birth to such questions 😜.  Those kids were probably kept_busy into ‘becoming something’ which their caretakers decided upon to be 🙏. Shaping the ‘nature' of their wards the way they want 👍

What do wardens/parents want their kids to become?

Anything other than their own ‘nature' 😜

Exampull: A mom doesn't like to eat a particular dish, or doesn't like the ‘trouble' to make a dish, she ensures that her kids end up ‘becoming’ adjustable to suit her_own_likes/dislikes 😂. Her parents did the same 😭

A teacher prefers to sail through the syllabus smoothly. She will shape the students to ‘become' good at parroting her_syllabus. Win_win…

30 years later, I enrolled into a spiritual program.  The teacher asked “what should you do to be just ‘yourself’? ( He added a hint : Right now, you are required to be something else all your waking hours 👍)”

Participants gaped 😳

( I was ‘naturally’ driven to ‘look' for what others are going to say?. This question didn't seem to nudge me 🙏)

Then, after 3 minutes, when no answer came up, the teacher said “Nothing 😂… you don't need to_do anything to be just_yourself ! All your life you are busy trying to be, struggling to be something else, other than your_self, all the time 😂. To be yourself, you just need to drop off what you are not🙏. Whatever gets left, is your self. Welcome to the art of becoming yourself! “

( I felt like”Bah! Is that all?.... And I was being scolded, mocked, scoffed, ridiculed etc… right from my kid age for not_becoming something Else!. I was just myself, the way I was, I am 😥🙏”.   Acquiring skills has nothing to do with becoming something else, in my inner nature 🙏.  I am damn flexible to do what a situation requires of me🙏👍. Other than that I am like animals, birds, worms and other creatures 😭….  I am just my species 😥🙏 .  The teacher gave me homework, which didn't require me to do it afresh now😜😜😜.  I have been on that job long since). 

Let me focus on the ‘practices’ part of the program now👍. 13 days passed.  I became good at the practices.

Most participants spoke on the last day "I feel a tremendous change in myself 🙏, relaxed and peaceful like never before 🙏. Even my family and neighbours ‘noticed' it”.

I didn't speak. Because I didn't change a bit 😜. Guys around me said “you are still the same old fool😂. The program didn't make any dent in you 😥. It didn't work for you (etc)”   I nodded.   I didn't know if it was okay to say in the feedback “Hey, I learnt the practices well 👍”. I didn't speak. But I kept climbing on the practices for the next 4 years at a hectic pace 😂.  It brought answers to my earliest “tougher koschan” when I was a kid. The time tested ancient spiritual tools came damn useful to progress at high_speed on my spiritual journey 🙏.

At 70+ now, I am just myself ( more of it progressively 😂). If a reader is not going to feel annoyed, the simplest way of saying it is “I am not my body, I am not even my mind🙏”. I am whatever is remaining other than my body and mind.  Long way to go , for 😃. But I am at it, post retirement 🙏. 2 ‘square meals’ is almost a’round me. So, becoming ‘something' for ‘earning' my food is not a problem. The needs are slimming fast.

( Retaining that ‘something’ which I am not, as a full_time_job….   😳…  Its side-effects suits medical specialists 😂. Good bijness for them👍. Even LKG kids are becoming patrons of psychological disorders 🙏. Unheard of, since thousands of years 😥.  “Persona” used to be a ‘mask’ for male actors in Britain playing a female role, in 18th century. Now “persona’lity” development program is a costly and customised bijness for using in real_time . Real human roles are assigned to robotics 😂. AI is mere upgrade.)

Just yours,

psn(15 Oct 2026)

Serving a broke master

 Serving a broke master

This was a true story 🙏

I request readers to desist ‘probing’ into the details 🙏( I should not be disclosing personal details of people, which I had access to 🙏).  My purpose is to share personal experience from real life, where situations were extreme 🙏

An employee of a financially weak enginnering firm lamented in a weak voice : “June. School reopening after summer holidays. Heavy expenses, for books, uniform and term fees for my 2 kids 😭🙏”.

I responded: “you should have planned to save!”

He( visibly annoyed): “ you can afford to sermonise sir. Well paid job, AC office, etc. I am getting my small salary 4 months late! My employer is also broke’’

Me (to further infuriate him😜) : “hey, can you buy me a tumbler of tea?”( In South, it is glass tumbler, not porcelain cups at wayside tea stall)

He ( ego hurt, when already engulfed with money problem 😜) : “Oh, it's a question of just ₹2 … i can buy it👍, come…”( 1997, tea was for ₹2)

We both reached the main gate.

I turned to him, feigning an after thought : Boss, we shall do 1 thing, keep the ₹2 separately for me🙏. Tomorrow we shall have tea”

He nodded.

Next day he sobered a bit, and I exploited it 😜 saying : “next few days only , 1 tea for me … keep aside an additional ₹2 daily”

Now….he grew suspicious 😳. But ₹2 is in his pocket yet, so….no mistrust problem 😜

Time is an element, I turn to my advantage when I decide to exploit somebody’s weakness called “ego” ( financially poor guys are generally more sensitive to being laughed at their poverty 😂). I am glued to him till he succeeds 😜. 

30 days…. ₹60… 

I demanded : “ open a recurring deposit account for 60 per month. Remember, its my tea_money of ₹2 from you, daily 👍. I help you daily at my office. I am your-good-friend. You owe me 1 tea daily”

An year later, the humble ₹2 per day, with cumulative interest, became his ‘margin money’ of 25% for a second hand sewing machine. His wife started earning, using the machine. Another year, they saved enough to buy an extra sewing machine, and his wife's next door lady got a job 😂.

This guy says to me, 2 years later: “Sir( a respect has crept in towards me, a stupid clerk😜)... Sir, now I can even quit my job 👍. My wife is earning enough to finance my family 😂”

Side effects: My dear colleague sitting next, tracked the entire drama, and whispered to me “PSN, I too started that ₹2 per day bijness. An RD account of mine too”. This colleague ‘retained’ the idea for 5 more years, and when we met post_retirement said “PSN, that ₹2….now the total amount is a 5 digit fixed deposit 😂”

I retorted 😡 “little drops of water…makes the mighty ocean”

( What I held back from telling other colleagues was : my 2 cents a day of spiritual practices 😜…  now it is a huge balance of spiritual insight in me, since decades. No paisa involved 🙏)

Just yours,

psn(14 oct 2026)

Sources of input, forces data integrity

 Sources of input, forces data integrity

Apologies, if a reader dropped here to data-mine digital technology related concepts 🙏 ( I merely borrowed ‘terms’ that find an instant appeal to present day's ‘hell bent on logic only’ kind of mind😜)

Until even 75 years ago, kids grew up like a frog_in_a_well, as far as sources of info is concerned. (For example, my sister, when in kindergarten, 1959 or so… chanted “waachaa” in a nursery rhyme she learnt. Dad is the only competent ‘authority' to question anything related to ‘English’😂. He needed 5 minutes to ‘decipher’ it as ‘water’ not ‘waachaa’. That teecha/teacher had a temporary problem in speaking clearly). 

Kids didn't need external-insulation(Limited locations of sources of input).

Therefore, the traditional & internal filter seemed redundant 😭

Suddenly, the sources of input expanded ‘3-D’ 😜(crowds around, internet, TV, etc).

The technology involved for internal filters got buried by now.

Insulation from external sources became impractical ( too many holes in the umbrella 😥. Can't ‘avoid' getting wet 😜).

Only 2 options to keep a ‘mind’ healthy 😜. 1)insulate the mind 2)install a powerful filter. Neither options are viable today 😂

The need to install filters is ‘indispensible’

The functional ‘format’ and design of the filter is too complex now, because kids simply inherit overdose of Logic 🤣. Algorithms of logic cannot contain the codes required to process trust 🙏.

How ‘much’ of logic_oriented_codes can a ‘kid's tiny brain’  process????  (How to install an app called “trust” is out_of_syllabus in the textbook of today's-parenting 😜…   meanwhile, the commercial world is hell_bent on spreading mutual_MISTRUST 😥. Like,  Co_pilot suddenly turned out a ‘threat’ to 174 elite passengers of a large commercial aeroplane 🙏😭). 

Building a super_strong (digital Fortress) of self_updating fail-safe & bug-proof logic-based software, to be installed in a human brain…  easy???🤔 ( kids of genZ are swaying/oscillating 🙏😥)

Understanding the ‘problem' is the problem/diagnosis.  Accepting its complexity is the next level of the problem. Finding/figuring out or…outsourcing a solution is the next stage. Compatibility with a logically-confused kids brain is a mega project with unreasonably_short deadlines (lifeLine?? dunno!).

Spiritual bijness focuses on emotional evolution 🙏.  Not a rocket science 🙏. Test check this : Logic divides. Emotions unite. (That simple 😜).

Emotionally networked, yours,

psn(12 Oct, 2026)

A MasterChef’s real headache

 A MasterChef’s real headache.

It's not about his skills. Not about shortages in utensils, spices, or raw ingredients 🙏

It's the level of insensitivity of the taste buds of the fellow who is going to approve his culinary skills 😭. 

Luckily, I am kept away from kitchen ( that's the rule in South Indian kitchen 🙏😥. Females seek to retain their relevance, only by banning the male from filling even a “purely temporary vacancy”😜).

Had I been asked to participate in a cookery contest, for sure, I will INSIST on a certificate, signed not earlier than 1 hour, by 2 specialist doctors —tongue specialist & a neurologist 👍.   A coated tongue can ‘feel' only the hot spicy 🔥. A defective neuro network can't maintain “data integrity” of messages from taste buds to the organ brain. ( Please ‘think’ of the precarious fate of a MasterChef who is an expert in conveying “sensuality” through his dishes, much to the embarrassment of famous lovers, who can bewitch, planting a kiss!!! Taste buds ‘need' sensitivity 🙏).

A very mild entrance exam ( unlike the NEET) for a new bride is when the mom-in-law suggests “dear child, please add salt to the sliced ash gourd cooking on the stove”(that dish has no spice, not even water😥. Salt makes it release the water needed. Among spices meant for ‘taste buds’ salt is the trickiest. And as a sole participant in the dish called “Olan” salt is a dictator 😜.  

I am incompetent to talk about kitchen wizards in cold places🙏.

But, at warmer places, Kerala specialises the-most in pampering the MOST sensitive taste buds 🙏. As we travel north, spices get intense😥. Punjab doesn't need hot pickles at all,😜. Main dishes feel like pickles. In the middle east, the main Judge between the 2- judge-bench( taste buds & nostrils) is the ‘nose’. Spices exuding fragrance wins the contest, not the ones pampering the taste buds.

Kerala ‘deals’ with even the nervous system of vegetables and fruits 😥. Ancient guys name the day(like 7th day) of watering, ( of a particular banana) missed by the gardner. Rings around the main spine of fruit store the ‘data’ of nutrients pumped-up date_wise 😜. Tastebuds need sensitivity 🙏.

Cocoanut tastes very differently when grated, chopped, sliced, ground, pulverized or ‘burnt’ partially 😥.  Traditional Chef-experts display their mathematical_skills in each of these 6 ways of using coconut kernel, in permutations and combinations of other spices, vegetables and ‘stages of cooking’. Mind-blowing number of possibilities.  I struggled perfecting the plain “chutta chammandee” to my satisfaction 😜. ( I don't OUTSOURCE the test by tastebuds 😥. Mine work well, at 70+ still). Chutta chammandee is coconut pieces burnt on wood flame, and ground on stone and pestle, manually with few spices added patiently,  stage wise. 

Kerala specialises in intricacy at subtlety 😜.  Jaggery and ghee( clarified butter) need to hold hands all_the_while, and walk into the ‘core’ of the rice grain which is just puffed up while being cooked, waiting to be fully cooked. These two guys wait in the core of the cooked rice grain till the bite releases them, only to be instantly grabbed by the tastebuds of the diner. Next millisecond, the saliva intrudes to dilute the flavour 😭🙏. This dish is a sweet porridge “nei payasam” and a prestigious ‘offering’ at temples consecrated with mega_sophistication called “Tantra”, a combo of yantra & mantra. Imagine, when a wizard among tantric priests deploys his spiritual powers alongside his MasterChef expertise in a nei_payasam, and energises it invoking the energies from the consecrated deity, and allows the devotees to enrich their body and spirit as neivedya-prasadam 🤣🙏🙏🙏. ( Today, all these aspects are diluted, when the mind becomes hell_bent on patronizing only commercial thoughts 🙏.

As if to complicate the cooking skills further(😭), Kerala specializes in forging unique alloys of 3 to 5 metals, to be used for ‘special’ dishes. Few radioactive substances which got heated at 3000°c in the belly of earth for centuries, spewed out, cooled and became porous red mud-rocks. These radioactive substances became “embedded software” when the mud was used to shape the alloy vessels of brittle and heavy type(bell metal).  Food cooked in such traditional vessels borrow microscopic bits of radioactive substances too! 😥.  I don't know if the neuro-network can ignore completely the effects of radioactive substances, while transmitting taste-data from the tastebuds to the brain 🤣

Well, that was my crazy view point of cooking skills around the place which nourished me 🙏 

Tastily yours,

psn(10 Oct 2026)

PostScript: a private secret .... I managed making a masala with 36 ingredients, twice in my life ( successful both times🙏), and took 6+ hours of manual grinding on stone and pestle each time 😥. Pure magic, when 6 of the ingredients, when ground have only a week's shelf life maximum, but held on for 6 months, in fridge, the taste increasing with time! But my helper was my sister, who is no more 🙏. And masala ain't my bijness 😜

Hiding affection, as a Tool

 Hiding affection, as a Tool

Funny, isn't it?

Especially when the modern trend is to display it glaringly, with a SPLURGE of money, if that person is unsure of the genuiness of one's own affection towards the other( own kid's 😜).

Epic stories convey the concept of ‘hiding affection’ liberally 😜

Ramayana, krishna_avatar( not Mahabharata war), are classic examples where the hero has tons of affection for the ‘villain’ and hides the affection till the last breath of the villain_raakshasa( after_all the villain is a permanent “security staff” of Vishnu… dwaaraPaalaka 😜).

Slightly lower level example is of an enlightened Master 🙏 ( Outwardly ‘merciless’ towards own dear disciple! Master even reincarnates to deploy his powerful tool of MercilessNess to his ‘most’ blue_eyed/dearest disciple😜.  I had a ‘taste’ of this ‘cruelty’ between aug-1992 and Dec 1994😭. After that I was ‘let-off’ to Yenjoy_Life 😜👍).

Hindu way of life….

Hiding affection was the sole privilege of dads, until a century ago 🙏. Moms choose it wisely, only if the situation warrants. Sacred reason= mom has a greater responsibility of imparting the ‘knowledge’ related to ‘equipoise of Emotions’ 🙏. A male isn't designed to impart this_one_skill, adequately enough 🙏, an evolved guy gains the competence, but turns into a Guru, from a biological_dad wala status😥

Genuine teachers of today are under severe constraints of needing to “wait” until the student surrenders explicitly, saying “do what you like with me, but Please mould me into an evolved one🙏” . ( I learnt that this kind of a student is rare and 4th kind of a ‘broad’ classification of types of students 😜).

Stray cases of ‘rags to riches’ via honest hard work, are examples of another similar concept : “any kind of refinement necessarily envisages some kind of self imposed restriction” ( ain't it sounding like: hiding own affection unto oneself?😜)

Allergically yours,

psn(10 Oct, 2026)

Beggar technology

 Beggar technology 

Quote

[10/10, 7:00 am] PSN: A friend said "future is still not very Safe!"

I tried to console with realistic reasons 🙏

"Even my own "future" is never 'safe'.

Uncertainty is the thrill of life 🙏. ( We 'enjoy' suspense, thrill, and 'tough' situation in movies, calling it "super movie" , but in our life, we keep seeking safety, insulation, and insurance 🤣.)

After leaving the body, 'future' is pucca 👍 ( whichever direction it is).

It is our "choices" that cause the uncertainty 🙏. How to choose, depends on the level of refinement of our sense of discrimination 🙏. (Duty is towards those who are our responseAbility, usually the offsprings 🙏).  

Unlike in movies, a successful and happy ending doesn't matter 😜. Doing our_best is the only criteria for pass/fail 👍"

[10/10, 7:13 am] PSN: मेरे खुद के वंशज (lineage) का ही बात ले लो 🙏

"क्या होगा मेरे बाद आने वाले मेरे पीढिय़ों का?" 

"वो भी मेरे और मेरे पूर्वजों जैसे भीख मंगे ही होंगे,  और क्या? 😜" ( पक्का है 🙏)

This 'certainty' sustained for thousands of years. It served the spiritual bijness of the entire society 🙏. 40% GDP was only an incidental byproduct 😭, not something chased_after. Things changed when choices of the "Lineage of traditional Beggars shifted towards paisa" 🤣. Whatever 'else' we try, only this alone will work 🙏

UnQuote 

Right from my kid age, I felt isolated to figure it out by myself alone, about why begging was prescribed by my ancestors of my lineage? It sustained for thousands of years 😥.  Things changed only after the British invaded India in several ways—economy, education, spirituality and religious ways broadly.  Enacted laws replaced the mutual-trust we depended upon for thousands of years 😭. The worst kind of invasion was into our mutual trust. 

After I bumped into a realised teacher in 1992, the pieces of jig_saw puzzle fell into its ‘places’ 🤣 

No more doubts and questions 🙏

 

Bhiksha( begging) &

Bhikshuk ( beggary) is a powerful tool, especially after the body is well prepared to transcend the physical needs designed by nature. 

Awesome software by the ancients. 😜

The most_irritating+frustrating puzzle is “when a human birth is itself a divine blessing, to be born into a lineage of Traditional beggars is the highest form of good fortune among the luckiest of life forms”  ( modern logical minds have decisively abandoned this concept 🙏. Utter nonsense, says the logical_reasoning.).

The joke is, the present PM( NarenBhai) did make a mention of the conceptual_form of begging, fakeeree ( in Hindi)😜.   He is a bit ‘clever’ in adhering to the tradition of subtlety in giving only a ‘hint’ about spiritual bijness 🙏🙏🙏. I am FULL of admiration for the hidden_Yogi in him🙏🙏🙏. His latent spiritual power is UNAVAILABLE to the opposition, to even ‘sight’ it (नज़रिया/perception deficiency 😭 . Even AI can't see it 🙏). I happened to get a ‘freak’ glimpse of it because I slogged for decades 🙏. 

Spiritual bijness is a subject matter of SOLICITATION  (a milder form is in the disclaimer advertised by insurance company guys “insurance is a subject matter of solicitation”... A legal jacket, bullet-proof 😜)

Unsolicitedly yours (😭),

psn 10 Oct, 2026

A ‘praise’ misunderstood

 A ‘praise’ misunderstood 

I received the following message recently.

It is obvious, that the sender felt the act of my ‘praising' a third person was an excess-in_futility : 

"excess praise of individuals—no matter how articulate—does not change the ground reality or move us closer to the finish line" (is the main theme of that lengthier message…  other details are personal & private, and I look objectively here, not subjectively. )

😂

This applies at every temple in Bharat 🙏.

Since thousands of years, people even "specialise" in 'praising' God/Goddesses😓

Those who sceptical inwardly ( outwardly like a 'religious' guy), also feel "nothing changes in ground reality" 🤣

If, praising "God"  is fruitless, how can me, a non_entity/नाचीज़, praising another human being who is better than many like me around, change the destiny????   Very true 🙏 

Then, why do we praise at all,  others?( Forget about 'excess' since there are no physical yardstick 😓..  paises can either be genuine or bogus, as far as I know 🙏)

Tragically enough, I not only spent most of my 6+ decades pursuing spirituality, but also tried at volunteering for freshers, for 7 years or so, as a part of a structured design ( privately and indivually, i still do 😥). The tragic part ---- sitting eyes  closed ( they call it meditation) or _*doing 'excessively'  a stupid thing like 'watching breath'*_ has NOT CHANGED THE GROUND REALITY for the bulk majority of the practitioners 😭... ( I have 'seen' this live. Most of us are shy of openly admitting it, that's all ). My personal_tragedy now.... is : I shouldn't 'praise' a guy, who is 'seen' progressing well in the spiritual practices 😭. Praise is counter-productive on a spiritual journey 🙏. Imagine my plight of being disallowed to praise "mildly" when a tiny progress is so rare 😜🙏

Somebody did a great job at analysis, when too many factors are involved. Yet some other guy was a bit lucky to 'trace' the path_of_analysis of this person, and merely acknowledged the efforts.   It does-look-like an excessive praise 🤣, to a casual eye, when that eye is focused more on FAVOURABLE_results_only, not bothered to look deep enough at the effort to make it favourable.

Earlier ships had large 'sails'. Sailing was a long wait "till the winds are favourable"

Later, the technology evolved "multi_sail_ships" 🙏. No matter 'which way the wind blows, the ship will move and ONLY in the desired direction'.  A co-passenger is 'right' and has the 'right' of freedom of speech, to call my_praise for the guy who thought of multi-sails idea, as a "waste"🤣. No "law" to compel everyone to 'trace' the path of the intellect of any innovator 🙏🙏🙏😥.

( Today, even the gimmicks related to the reason of wearing a holy thread, upaNayanam... namely the articulation and gesticulation ... is not 'yielding' any ground_reality_experience 😭🙏🙏🙏.  I am a mad_nut 😜. I pursued to know the secret of it, the subtle level experience 🙏...... I praise the ancient Rishis silently within 🙏, because it will needlessly irritate others, on WhatsApp.

Silently yours,

psn(9 oct 2026)

How flexibility works for me

 How flexibility works for me 

The whole idea of my writing these blogs is to share my experience 🙏

Digital technology ought to be made use of, to my best possible. 

A spiritual master advised me “we can use only the experience of others, not their wisdom ‘. I got it 👍. Wisdom is hack-proof, even under the influence of drugs used for ”Narco analysis” 😜

I observed that, the gadgets we use need “some kind of resistance” which we designed for use! And humans need flexibility to get things done favourably under a given situation 😓 ( Example: In the movie “36th chamber of shaolin”, the newcomer is not flexible enough to quickly jump over a floating log, without getting wet 😜. He trains his body & mind to suit the situation “) 

I really don't know why or how the flexibility of mind crept into me (even when a kid)🙏.   I was normal in most of the situations, and onlookers would infer according to their rigidities 😂.  A classical example was, bulk of my elders at home concluded my visible form of flexibility as “an idiot who can't assert even his own basic rights”(consequentially, I was looked at as a dumb fool as well👍, who can be kicked about like a football. It didn't matter to me, because I was guided by ‘another’ concept : only in the human species, each individual varies too widely in their mutual relationship & behaviour 😥🙏. I needn't react every time. I can respond if possible). After I could stand on ‘my own 2 legs” I got drifted away from ‘relatively related relations’ 😂. A joke happened. A highly evolved relative, also respected among my relatives for his scholarly achievements, happened to mention me as a ‘brilliant young fellow” (40 years ago). My relatives proved their inflexibility by saying “how could such a great scholar go so_wrong about PSN?🤔” 

A most dreaded dacoit turned into a Rishi Valmiki, and the first step happened in a few hours( epic story). I tried to visualise myself meeting him again soon after he got transformed from a dacoit into an ascetic! My mind's flexibility isn't good enough to sight his transformation 🙏. By myself, I would continue to look at him as  ‘still a dacoit’😭.  I need to ‘work' a lot more on my own flexibility.

Another astounding thing I discovered is…  my flexibility shouldn't become handy for those who try to exploit me like a parasite 😜.  This clarity helped me to surmount issues related to social compulsions😂 I could drop off even socially compelling relationships. (Least of the examples was, I quit my job, voluntarily, with 8 more years of ‘cream’ in monetary form, in the pay ‘scale’ 👍. Flexibility helps prioritising priorities pragmatically 🙏. (An Earlier Prime minister confessed his helplessness and lack of flexibility when he replied to a query for tolerating too many scams, and said “ …. because of coalition compulsions 😂 “ ( tax payers suffer, for him to allow scams. I can't replicate his principle in my individual life🙏).

Mind's flexibility did wonders for me, whether it was about myself or my_efforts to help the freshers who “trusted” me for my backup support during my 6 years of volunteering for a spiritual program 🙏. My flexibility increased phenomenally, when the fuel was an “urge to make a difference in the lives of others” 🙏.

I found myself capable of choosing different ways  of choosing how to say the “same thing" to the other person, maximizing the reach, and minimizing the scope of misunderstanding my words! ( At work place, I discovered ways and means of keeping aside rigid_rules, when I was sure that I didn't have to compromise on safety, ethics, integrity and moral 🙏. Deserving customers benefited mightily 👍). 

Mega advantage of my efforts to improve flexibility is, what I don't need for my spiritual journey gets dropped off by itself…   “hard wired habits/karma”👍….( I don't know how to amplify this experience 😓).

Non_artificially yours,

psn(6 Oct, 2026)

How I assess Worthlessness

 How I assess Worthlessness

Disclaimer: do not try this without assessing the risks🙏. It might be safe only for ½ mad guys like me😭

A kid(5 yrs) : “Mom, lets buy this!”

Mom : “ This is useless for us dear… not worth buying “

Kid : “why is it worthless mom?”

Mom :  “😡”( at times, also within ”🤔 why is it worthless?”

I “found” that…..

Assessing the Worthlessness is far easier than assessing a ‘true & intrinsic worth” of some input.

How I found?...   Geography teacher bombarded me ( from the prescribed syllabus, that's the whole problem 😭) with “details of  flow velocity, volume and route of rivers like Mississippi and colorado”.  What am I going to do with this info? 🤔. History teacher: “Ancient guys slept on even treetops in old stone age”. Wanna me to try that????😡🙏

No way( no tools in the syllabus) to enable to assess the ‘worth’ of something I am supposed to: 1) learn at school, 2) get along with elders at home, 3)abiding stupid_looking traffic rules, 4)get by_heart the Wren and Martin text of grammar ( this was far more tricky, ‘because’ of desi languages where a stupid object like a pen “demands” that I call myself a female 😡😭 “ye kalam meri hai”( “this pen is mine” … in English! How to “assess” the worth of English grammar, where the pen is a neutral guy??? It's a pen, damnit!😡). 5) endless list 

Bharat is a reverential culture🙏 ( west is ‘freedom' culture 😜. Easy on my brains👍). Problem is, I need to be reverential to peepals/people, and all forms of life, even stone_idols etc for a very valid reason 😭 

The tools to be used to assess the worth, I figured out with great trouble 🙏. And the 4 tools were, I guess the_only_syllabus in Gurukul thousands of years ago 😭.

How about “trying” the Worthlessness??? 😜😜😜

It appealed to me 😂

If somebody says “become a great person”,

I look at the following “sample” list:

1). I am not provided with the DIY, or how_to tool kits, ( forget about time_tested tools🙏)

2). No reference point like ‘how big?’ 

3). Why shouldn't I remain normal. Even a lion, “king of forest” never slogged to become “great”????

4). How am I going to handle the burden of a) maintaining ‘great guy’? I can't hold a noisy_fart, though damn harmless😭, b)pushing down guys around me from overtaking, when I reached already my brim 🙏, c)realignining myself to the ever-changing life situations around? Like, i was damn fast and legible with my pen and processor brain, at manual clerical work as a ledger keeper at bank. The damn digital technology screwed me up😓. Legible handwriting or mental arithmetic is superfluous 🙏. A great_clerk in me is garbage now😭… my true story 🙏, I managed to learn afresh, the crazy advice of becoming a “great data_entry_operator” now, just because others too had to go through the torture of ‘learning' at 40’s a new language of computer_literacy, when our learning ‘curve’ is already flattened 2 decades ago 😭. 

5). Long list😜

Spiritual bijness enabled me to delve into my own Worthlessness, as a human being, doing the same nonsense like other life forms “eating, sleeping and procreating” sophisticating only these 3 , to gloat myself, within only my brand of humans that “I am great…  i buy, even things like water, air etc not just food, clothing and shelter”( other life forms ‘tease’ me silently”its still free for us in our free form, without any captivity. Few of us only_hunt, no need to work/earn for a ‘living’).

Confusedly yours,

psn(6 Oct, 2026)

PostScript confession:  I am disappointed with myself 🙏.

Chasing for the tools of Worthlessness, l ended up with a negative perspective at the recent trend of innovation around me 😭

These innovations seemingly ( only to me, 🙏) are like pointing out our Worthlessness in mutual trust 😭.

Security camera everywhere, one VIP needing  a dozen commandos, whole busy street blocked for a VIP, no_fly zone during a VIP plane takeoff, etc

A “second” layer of security for login into my own money in my app of bank account! 

Firewalls for my stupid data, 

Biometric id verification for pittance of ration shop rice???

Any new gadget faces infiltration by scammers on the same day 😜 ( humans can be proud of Worthlessness in mutual trust).

In school, 60 years ago, I was appreciated for handing over a lost-&-found tiffin box to my teacher. Now, a bomb squad needs to check the silly tiffin box on a road, before an aam Aadmi can go within 15 feet distance near it🤣. IED, likely! Gourmet/Govt. says “don't touch unidentified objects ( we are innovating in insulating mutual mistrust in the meanwhile “😥)

After the recent heroic sacrifice of a pilot of FlyDubai plane saving 174+ lives, a team of high_tech brains will innovate “how to screen  pilots”( had this innocent pilot failed, our ‘creative toolkit experts’ would have labelled that pilot as a ‘culprit’  probably 🙏). Mistrust is easier, though expensive, to implement 🙏.

Problem with doing our best

 Problem with doing our best

🤣

Funny caption, ain't it?

Usually we get bombarded with free advice “do your best”. (Seldom it is accompanied by “how the hell, to implement it?”)

As if this simple version ain't enough, fanciful guys quote famous ones like Micheal Angelo(in “agony & ecstasy” novel) saying “ take infinite pains to create something that looks effortless” 😥

Doesn't really work for normal ones like us.

True exampull: in 1974, my mom complained to my dad about me “this kid is going to a matinee show daily, since a week. Please question him”.  Dad quizzed. I said “my final year eggjams/exams, not matinee”. Dad used to trust me. Yet, he asked ‘how long?’ i said “tomorrow afternoon last paper”. Case dismissed.

But mom, though a lower court at home (😓), persisted in vain, saying to me :” that boy, next house, studies aloud till 2 am. Watch, he will score high, and you will Surely fail👍… you snore even during forenoon of exam-day!” ( that's my mom's version of infinite pain, as a non-detachable component of doing best..). Results had something “else” to say😥.  I didn't get any second chance to do better😭. I passed with 55% average, almost zero pains. That guy got an opporChutney to write again in 2 subjects, 6 months later, “supplementary eggjams” to  clear in failed subjects! My mom didn't like it 🙏

Fortunately, (for me, of course 🙏), one & only one teacher in my entire life, specifically insisted on learning without any pain, whatsoever 👍. Spiritual program boss👍. I liked it 😜. 

He gave a FANTASTIC concession as  a bonus :   on a spiritual path, your own best, at a given point of time is worth 100/100 marks👍( no need to wait for enumeration results 😜🙏). Damn good, i felt 🤣. ( A weight lifter picking 100 kg, though he can lift 300 kg, is a ‘fail’ 0/100 marks, teacher said, while you pick just 10 kg, which is your maximum that_day, scores 100/100. 😳.  Strange way of giving marks, i thought, but good enough for me)

Problem with doing our(my)best:  my negatives in my mind, holds me back very promptly and unfailingly each time I do anything 😭 ( like : “Oh, this is just a worn out cloth for swiping the floor…. I need not wash it clean like my wedding shirt 👍”.  This mentality spreads like Covid19 😜, to almost everything I try to do 😥).

Imagine me(70+ now),  trying to run a race with toddlers of 2 years age. 20 feet ‘distance’ to the finish line. I should reach within one_tenth of the time required by all the ten kids competing against me🙏. 

Now, if….. me_alone is tied up with stones of 50 kg,  to each of my 2 legs???? Kids will reach the 20 feet finish line in 10% of the time required by me 🙏 😭.

This  is the real problem. Each of my_negative attitudes weighs a ton, and prevents me from doing even routine+ effortless daily tasks like a breeze 😜.  Who else, except me alone, is responseAble for my own dead_weights that I tied on to myself to work against me???

( At advanced level programs in spiritual bijness, i faced only_mind_related problems 😜…   Doing my best seldom involved even twitching a muscle. In fact, it was more about getting rid of body_awareness itself 😜.  Side effects were enormous 🙏. Handling material aspects of life was effortless. My-mind just says “hey body-of-PSN, your turn 👍. I am supposed to shut_up and be quiet”. Damn thing works 🤣.  When the mind does the shut_up, my-brain,  the processor, has only one guy to look up_to, in case of kanfuShun/confusion, and that guy sleeps like kumbhakarna inside me, my mustard sized intellect 😭).

At my worst, yours,

psn(6 Oct 2026)

Epilogue:  kids, naturally try to ‘learn’ from the only sample available around them today( no joint family), their parents, about how to handle the situation around?  A pair, unable to do ‘their own best’ at the mundane daily_routine, are settling into becoming a sub_standard exampull to emulate 🙏😓.  Very unreasonable to blame kids_alone when they do things as grown ups, in a slipshod way🙏😭