It is not often, that we get a query that seeks a concerted effort at handling those unpredictable and uncontrollable emotional outbursts!
I got the opportunity to draw the asker’s attention to a glaring aspect of our present day society, which goes almost inconspicuous, and un-noticed! The absence of a structured mechanism or institution to train a person to handle emotions, to train a person to maintain that inner balance, the harmony between conflicting emotions. Without that training, the achievements, with all the logical skills seems to leave a sort of vacuum, depriving a person the joyous experience of rewards of hard work, wealth and even prosperity!
Perhaps, it is time to look at, what ingredients constituted that peace that our ancient simple life-styled ancestors enjoyed!
Regards,
Psn (1st November, 2009)
Quote:
http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091031171534AADigLI
The question:
How do you train yourself to control your emotions?
I am a type of person who is either very happy or very sad, I want to know how to control my emotions how to not feel very sad when something bad happens, I dont think feeling very happy is a problem.Thank you
My answer:
The problem is very reasonable and well justified! Please see, there is no institution, school, or organisation which imparts emotional training in a structured way! We have very good institutions to teach us all the logical skills to handle the material aspect of life. Even handling others to encash their emotions is taught logically, through courses like MBA etc! Psychology teaches us to manage imbalanced people, like that MBBS teaches to manage 'dis-ease'!A human being is equipped with emotional and logical capability. While the logic can evolve with support of outside training, the emotion is left to evolve by itself, exposing to all the vulnerabilities of the outside situation, which is ever unpredictable!The silver lining is the very urge to ask such a question! There is that self-awareness, which is perceiving what is happening to the 'self''!Usually, religious preachers used to take care of this emotional aspect to stabilise a person. All those 'ambiguous' looking teachings aim at maintaining the inner emotional balance, using the 'trust' in the unseen Greater Power, to whom we are asked to bow! It seems very difficult to logically evaluate all those teachings, and it is therefore that a few people seem to Challenge such 'beliefs'.If there is sufficient trust in one's own religious path, there have been very great beings, who have left behind a legacy of precious teachings, which can provide such training to control our emotions. But to get started, it would be very fortunate to have a genuine spiritual guide. A person can evolve by oneself, but it requires greater involvement, and persistence ( tenacity is a better word!).A simple solution would be to watch such emotions with a little space within ourselves, and see that 'bad' happenings are simply beyond our control. A deep sense of 'acceptance' would allow us to have a fair control on our emotions. When emotions overpower us, logic fails to that extent. And with weaker logic, we become vulnerable to outside situation.
Best wishes,
Showing posts with label emotion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotion. Show all posts
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
The "HR" factor!
Ironically, the present day youngsters seem to miss the Human relations factor at home, especially at the “in-law” homes!
At work place, especially in successful organizations, there is abundance of that ‘HR’ factor. The bosses undergo even costly refresher courses to ensure that they give that subtle extra-sugar-coated “feel-good” factor to their juniors, subordinates co-workers etc! It does work too well. And it pays too! Very few fortunate people realize at least when it is a bit too late that, all the time, it was a commercially employed ‘technique, and there was never even a bit of emotion value or content in it!
I chanced to come across a youngster who recently got a chance to work under a teacher, but the basic nature of (human)relationship would be like an ‘employer-employee’. It is only then that I realized the distinction! This youngster had the opportunity to work for an organization, where Human Relations are at its best in terms of comparative evaluation in similar organizations. This organization was comfortable about normal anxieties concerning ‘attrition-due-to-lack-of-feel-good-factors”.
Like any other youngster, this person too would have ‘got-used’ to that pampering whether consciously or otherwise, aware or unawares. But, now when the role of ‘employee’ is going to be replicated during a study term, as a sort of apprenticeship or even assistantship for the sake of availing subsidy on the cost of study, I felt that there was going to be some contrast. A professor, is basically inclined towards research-oriented outlook, and the focus of the mind is towards excellence in the pursuit of knowledge. Such a person is naturally inclined to look at how well a student learns, and with what kinds of learning skills the student is equipped, and how well the student employs those tools, even while at work.
Let me take a ‘down-to-floor-level’ example, to make it light. An elderly lady employs a maid servant to get the floor cleaned. To keep the maid in good humour, and to ensure maximum productivity, the lady-employer would use all gimmicks to create that feel-good factor! Like offering a cup of tea in-between, insisting that the maid un-bend her back for a while, sip the tea while it is still warm, and then get back to cleaning the floor of the other room etc. Now, if the same lady, if she were to teach the art of floor-cleaning to her niece, would try to make sure that the would-be-bride-niece of hers learns the art of cleaning, well enough to avoid any ‘fault-finding’ from her in-laws. In this process, the aunt would forgo that ‘feel-good’ factor, and even create a mock-drill of being severe! The primary focus is to ensure that the niece learns perfectly. The emotional attachment due to love for own niece, gives that extra care and inclination towards teaching.
The professor-employer has no mental-leisure, nor is he ‘obliged’ to ensure productivity. He has no ‘attrition’ problems due to that apprentice student. So, I tried to impress upon this youngster, this factor, and asked him to be aware a bit more consciously about this aspect. Now, if situation permits, this student can show due humility towards the professor, for genuine reasons, which may perhaps evoke one extra remark about the student in the final appraisal, in addition to job-dexterity, giving that much needed feel-back to the potential head-hunters. The commercial employers, despite care and effort, would only look towards candidates who cause less drain on their HR effort. The job-dexterity takes a little bit of lesser priority than it deserves. It is this natural tendency, that I tried to impress upon the youth.
When I come to think of it, perhaps this is why the working girls of today find it difficult to allow the parents of the spouse to stay with them after getting married. These parents cannot be expected to play that ‘goody-goody’ role of boss-like-elders! We cannot really find fault with the girl-children, when they are expected to get over suddenly, what they got used to , all the while. And, if the young girl is a bit emotionally vulnerable, she would fall a prey to that ‘commercial-HR-factor’, and end up in undesirable ‘ties’. The problem is , this HR factor is an indispensable aspect for the success of the organization.
( In all humility, I have no hesitation whatever, in confessing that, I was unduly fortunate to be blessed with an experience under a spiritual Master, who even demonstrated how it feels to be under the ‘employ’ of a person, who has himself risen well above intellect and emotion! Buddhi is intellect. Buddhoo is below intellect level, and obviously, Buddha is above intellect! I am yet to deserve that blessing-full experience!)
I wonder if, the concept narrated above holds value in the view-point of others too! Only a response/feed-back can tell.
Psn(30th Aug, 2009)
At work place, especially in successful organizations, there is abundance of that ‘HR’ factor. The bosses undergo even costly refresher courses to ensure that they give that subtle extra-sugar-coated “feel-good” factor to their juniors, subordinates co-workers etc! It does work too well. And it pays too! Very few fortunate people realize at least when it is a bit too late that, all the time, it was a commercially employed ‘technique, and there was never even a bit of emotion value or content in it!
I chanced to come across a youngster who recently got a chance to work under a teacher, but the basic nature of (human)relationship would be like an ‘employer-employee’. It is only then that I realized the distinction! This youngster had the opportunity to work for an organization, where Human Relations are at its best in terms of comparative evaluation in similar organizations. This organization was comfortable about normal anxieties concerning ‘attrition-due-to-lack-of-feel-good-factors”.
Like any other youngster, this person too would have ‘got-used’ to that pampering whether consciously or otherwise, aware or unawares. But, now when the role of ‘employee’ is going to be replicated during a study term, as a sort of apprenticeship or even assistantship for the sake of availing subsidy on the cost of study, I felt that there was going to be some contrast. A professor, is basically inclined towards research-oriented outlook, and the focus of the mind is towards excellence in the pursuit of knowledge. Such a person is naturally inclined to look at how well a student learns, and with what kinds of learning skills the student is equipped, and how well the student employs those tools, even while at work.
Let me take a ‘down-to-floor-level’ example, to make it light. An elderly lady employs a maid servant to get the floor cleaned. To keep the maid in good humour, and to ensure maximum productivity, the lady-employer would use all gimmicks to create that feel-good factor! Like offering a cup of tea in-between, insisting that the maid un-bend her back for a while, sip the tea while it is still warm, and then get back to cleaning the floor of the other room etc. Now, if the same lady, if she were to teach the art of floor-cleaning to her niece, would try to make sure that the would-be-bride-niece of hers learns the art of cleaning, well enough to avoid any ‘fault-finding’ from her in-laws. In this process, the aunt would forgo that ‘feel-good’ factor, and even create a mock-drill of being severe! The primary focus is to ensure that the niece learns perfectly. The emotional attachment due to love for own niece, gives that extra care and inclination towards teaching.
The professor-employer has no mental-leisure, nor is he ‘obliged’ to ensure productivity. He has no ‘attrition’ problems due to that apprentice student. So, I tried to impress upon this youngster, this factor, and asked him to be aware a bit more consciously about this aspect. Now, if situation permits, this student can show due humility towards the professor, for genuine reasons, which may perhaps evoke one extra remark about the student in the final appraisal, in addition to job-dexterity, giving that much needed feel-back to the potential head-hunters. The commercial employers, despite care and effort, would only look towards candidates who cause less drain on their HR effort. The job-dexterity takes a little bit of lesser priority than it deserves. It is this natural tendency, that I tried to impress upon the youth.
When I come to think of it, perhaps this is why the working girls of today find it difficult to allow the parents of the spouse to stay with them after getting married. These parents cannot be expected to play that ‘goody-goody’ role of boss-like-elders! We cannot really find fault with the girl-children, when they are expected to get over suddenly, what they got used to , all the while. And, if the young girl is a bit emotionally vulnerable, she would fall a prey to that ‘commercial-HR-factor’, and end up in undesirable ‘ties’. The problem is , this HR factor is an indispensable aspect for the success of the organization.
( In all humility, I have no hesitation whatever, in confessing that, I was unduly fortunate to be blessed with an experience under a spiritual Master, who even demonstrated how it feels to be under the ‘employ’ of a person, who has himself risen well above intellect and emotion! Buddhi is intellect. Buddhoo is below intellect level, and obviously, Buddha is above intellect! I am yet to deserve that blessing-full experience!)
I wonder if, the concept narrated above holds value in the view-point of others too! Only a response/feed-back can tell.
Psn(30th Aug, 2009)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A Litmus test for Trooo Love?
At the very look of it, it appears to be a contradiction. The title I mean. “Litmus test is a logical, scientific method to have a sort of ‘fool-proof’ result, or atleast a testing methodology (until somebody disproves it)!
When contradiction occurs (to us, at least), check the basic premise, says the logical objectivism.
Well, what if somebody chooses to ‘Love only the logical way’ to ‘deal’ with anything about life? When somebody loves anything too much, defying even logic, there is a saying in hindi “Dil lagi hai Gadhee par, tho pari kya cheez hai!?? (meaning, when the heart has chosen to lean towards a Donkey, what is after all even a fairy, nymph ?)
Ah! Here again, a contradiction. Love to be only logical? Love is emotion, and prone to defy logic itself. (Then, it could be that a person chooses to remain
‘being logical’ …. Or has that person turned into a “logical being” …. Well, only people who like being logical and hence are logical beings only know better!
“Man is a bundle of contradictions” is a saying that gives us some consolation.
I, for my part, am not the first person to create a ‘precedent’ for not correcting myself. Gurudev, too had chosen not to correct it, when an Englishman politely pointed out an error in a placard at Shantiniketan, which read “tea is served on backside” !! Just that Gurudeva liked to preserve the humor, and the truth that even he is not infallible!
Trying to ‘evaluate’ somebody’s love in a logical way seems a bit illogical. But if we ourselves are keen to know if we truly love(or not,) somebody close to us …..? There have been many people, who try to find out what is “true” love, just because they find something inside them nagging “am I capable at all to love truly?”
I came across a small scene in a very routine type of TV serial. Just the scene seemed really good. Perhaps, this well scripted screenplay could be a ‘chance’ occurrence, where a better person (a sub-junior director) was asked to supervise due to the pre-occupation of main director, and also since the scene was very ordinary (so any fool could handle it!). Otherwise, all other scenes would have been really good, making the whole serial good!
Well, the scene was like this: A small girl, about 5 years old, gets up in the middle of the night and keeps watching at her mother’s face. The mother happens to get up suddenly, and noticing the child just sitting and watching, is stupefied, and asks “what are you doing, instead of sleeping?” . This child just puts across the truth… “ I was watching you sleeping”… to which, the mother asks again, this time a more pointed question,” haven’t you seen me before, that you are so keen to watch me as if for the first time ?”
The girl, now says “Every time I look at you, I experience as if I am looking at you for the first time….mom”
I gave full marks to the director (the inadvertent sub-junior, or who ever)! Even the mother was shown ‘gloating’ over this dialogue of the child, grossly missing the truth, like any other mother! Getting stuck in emotions too takes a toll, depriving us from learning what even a child could have taught us so easily! No wonder we humans end up as ‘bundle’ of contradictions…. First we have to un-bundle, and then re-bundle the very same, to be able to balance the burden on both the shoulders equitably (logic and emotion).
Now, the problem is, if we try to straight-away try to apply this ‘test’ our mind refuses to give a straight-forward reply! Of course, I do troooly love that person, or else, why do I struggle so much to put up with all that nonsense by that person, why else do I ‘sacrifice’ all my time, money, even pieces of mind for that person?(logically fragmented pieces, preventing that simple ‘peace’)… .. so says our mind, not ready to succumb that easily. So, why not use a negative test….
When we see our enemy (the person whom we dislike most), how do we see them? Do we take a fresh look? Or our firm strong judgment about them comes first like that loud screaming security siren and the stiff faced commandoes of VVIPS, and then we do not even get a glimpse of that VIP, and are left with an old copy of the past image within us.
Now, any where on a scale of 1 to 10, we have to attempt a honest look within, as to how fresh a look are we capable, when we see our loved ones each time. Okay, some small hints about how to go ‘about it’….
Remember, when waiting for that ‘potential’ beloved, at the bus-stop, when that person arrives, our look was always a fresh look at them!
At least, some time we happen to eat only after we are really hungry (not that fill in the blanks at appointed hours!). When we eat on that hungry stomach, does our image, our memory of the past ever interfere with our experience of eating afresh? Even the food may not be fresh! But we do experience that ‘fresh’ satiation of hunger (the love for food, or whatever name we wish to give!)
Oh, have I raked up a very sensitive issue…. I shall try to avoid a fresh look, when I happen to meet you next, so that I shall be a bit prepared to receive the blows!
The only alternative is to deliver them via mail-response. The blows, I mean for having poked into the soft ego… (what to do, I “failed badly” when I tested myself…. Again a potential contradiction… Oh no.. bye for the time ‘being’)
Regards,
Psn(23rd April, 2009)
When contradiction occurs (to us, at least), check the basic premise, says the logical objectivism.
Well, what if somebody chooses to ‘Love only the logical way’ to ‘deal’ with anything about life? When somebody loves anything too much, defying even logic, there is a saying in hindi “Dil lagi hai Gadhee par, tho pari kya cheez hai!?? (meaning, when the heart has chosen to lean towards a Donkey, what is after all even a fairy, nymph ?)
Ah! Here again, a contradiction. Love to be only logical? Love is emotion, and prone to defy logic itself. (Then, it could be that a person chooses to remain
‘being logical’ …. Or has that person turned into a “logical being” …. Well, only people who like being logical and hence are logical beings only know better!
“Man is a bundle of contradictions” is a saying that gives us some consolation.
I, for my part, am not the first person to create a ‘precedent’ for not correcting myself. Gurudev, too had chosen not to correct it, when an Englishman politely pointed out an error in a placard at Shantiniketan, which read “tea is served on backside” !! Just that Gurudeva liked to preserve the humor, and the truth that even he is not infallible!
Trying to ‘evaluate’ somebody’s love in a logical way seems a bit illogical. But if we ourselves are keen to know if we truly love(or not,) somebody close to us …..? There have been many people, who try to find out what is “true” love, just because they find something inside them nagging “am I capable at all to love truly?”
I came across a small scene in a very routine type of TV serial. Just the scene seemed really good. Perhaps, this well scripted screenplay could be a ‘chance’ occurrence, where a better person (a sub-junior director) was asked to supervise due to the pre-occupation of main director, and also since the scene was very ordinary (so any fool could handle it!). Otherwise, all other scenes would have been really good, making the whole serial good!
Well, the scene was like this: A small girl, about 5 years old, gets up in the middle of the night and keeps watching at her mother’s face. The mother happens to get up suddenly, and noticing the child just sitting and watching, is stupefied, and asks “what are you doing, instead of sleeping?” . This child just puts across the truth… “ I was watching you sleeping”… to which, the mother asks again, this time a more pointed question,” haven’t you seen me before, that you are so keen to watch me as if for the first time ?”
The girl, now says “Every time I look at you, I experience as if I am looking at you for the first time….mom”
I gave full marks to the director (the inadvertent sub-junior, or who ever)! Even the mother was shown ‘gloating’ over this dialogue of the child, grossly missing the truth, like any other mother! Getting stuck in emotions too takes a toll, depriving us from learning what even a child could have taught us so easily! No wonder we humans end up as ‘bundle’ of contradictions…. First we have to un-bundle, and then re-bundle the very same, to be able to balance the burden on both the shoulders equitably (logic and emotion).
Now, the problem is, if we try to straight-away try to apply this ‘test’ our mind refuses to give a straight-forward reply! Of course, I do troooly love that person, or else, why do I struggle so much to put up with all that nonsense by that person, why else do I ‘sacrifice’ all my time, money, even pieces of mind for that person?(logically fragmented pieces, preventing that simple ‘peace’)… .. so says our mind, not ready to succumb that easily. So, why not use a negative test….
When we see our enemy (the person whom we dislike most), how do we see them? Do we take a fresh look? Or our firm strong judgment about them comes first like that loud screaming security siren and the stiff faced commandoes of VVIPS, and then we do not even get a glimpse of that VIP, and are left with an old copy of the past image within us.
Now, any where on a scale of 1 to 10, we have to attempt a honest look within, as to how fresh a look are we capable, when we see our loved ones each time. Okay, some small hints about how to go ‘about it’….
Remember, when waiting for that ‘potential’ beloved, at the bus-stop, when that person arrives, our look was always a fresh look at them!
At least, some time we happen to eat only after we are really hungry (not that fill in the blanks at appointed hours!). When we eat on that hungry stomach, does our image, our memory of the past ever interfere with our experience of eating afresh? Even the food may not be fresh! But we do experience that ‘fresh’ satiation of hunger (the love for food, or whatever name we wish to give!)
Oh, have I raked up a very sensitive issue…. I shall try to avoid a fresh look, when I happen to meet you next, so that I shall be a bit prepared to receive the blows!
The only alternative is to deliver them via mail-response. The blows, I mean for having poked into the soft ego… (what to do, I “failed badly” when I tested myself…. Again a potential contradiction… Oh no.. bye for the time ‘being’)
Regards,
Psn(23rd April, 2009)
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