I was just a kid then.
When I was just a school going kid, the only place where I meet others from 'high' society was the school itself, and the members of that high society was that I came across were also kids, my own schoolmates! So, the only 'usual' door mat that I came across, or had to cross-over, was usually the old worn out clothings that we put near the door, so that dirt could be wiped off before entering the 'just-swept-room'. Door mats of coir cost... and for sure, my(our) level people, whom I visit often simply cannot afford it. That was my problem. Even a plain door mat was a luxury. And, over and above that, the “Thank You...” ..... I felt as if trampling over somebody's 'sense-of-gratitude'... I did not have the courage to clear my doubts at that age, and quietly wrapped up my confused bundles of thoughts, to be unfolded much later..... and that is how I remember it even now!
Hardly did I know that what was taught to me as a matter of merely being a little 'courteous' could become a source of embarassment, rather than a source of joy, then....
I was impressed upon, when I was a kid, that one of the “parameters” of letting others know that we are 'educated' is..... 'show' of courtesy.... words like 'please', 'thank you'... etc... Quite funnily, I could never then understand why we have to mumble 'excuse-me' or 'sorry' when the other fellow whispers too inaudibly.... it is his problem.... we can simply say, 'please repeat again...'
I did feel a little bit of freedom, when summer holidays came, and we visited our village. Most of the people were illiterate, and I was safe from errors of dis-courteous omissions, when talking (incidentally, I felt it difficult to find an exact translation for that 'please' in the local language of that village!.... that was just in case..... I faced a 'courtesy insisting gentleman'.....).
Now, my only problem is, quite unwittingly, I embarass even those people who are seldom 'thanked' in a very routine public/social life, with a “thank you” , and often face that 'look' which almost says.... “well, I really don't know what to do with your 'thanks'.... why don't you take it back, please... .. at least for a while, while I am too busy?” .... Most of the times, others around remind me, “why do you have to thank him.... it is his duty.... we have paid for it...” (etc). I had spent too long with 'thank you' to now part(away from) with it, diverse from it (or a divorce)... Now, for me, that mention of 'thank you' has taken a different dimension..... it is more to do with my own overwhelming, unsuppressable sense of gratitude, a sense of deep acknowledgement of my interdependence with everyone, and everything around me, rather than that initial 'sense of social obligation of return-courtesy'. So it does not insist that I look at the other person's qualifications to decide whether to mention the thanks.... But the problems around it does remain! Only that, I have managed to build an armour('kavach') around me, such that these problems do not injure my sense-of-gratitude.... I do not know, how I will manage or whether I can remain 'comfortable', without that sense of gratitude ( and so, I mumble that thanks from within me, to end within me, just that body language as a manifest emotion, when really 'driven to wall', by compulsions of situation, forcing me to keep 'my thanks' just with myself' !).
Ah! This 'post' is perhaps my thanks to that person who taught me to 'say' thanks.... It has taken me to 'places' in spiritual arena.... but not entirely without some 'side-effects'.... to mention just one of them, .... I am still searching for “EXACT” translations for the word “thank you” in other languages... and could not proceed any further , after having found “Shukriya...” in Urdu .. But, I did not have to really 'find' that word 'shukriya'.... it was all around me long ago, since most of my school-classmates were 'abound' it, when it came to mentioning a 'sense-of-gratitude',,,
psn
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